byrel wrote:In what way is it woman-demeaning to have or use an endearment which means 'you represent all my culture says a woman should be'? I mean, cultures are notoriously narrow-minded that way, but such a usage is clearly a compliment for a woman who happens to, or has chosen to fit the role the culture prescribes. It's not demeaning; it's uplifting a particular woman for a particular choice. I call my wife 'kitty' and 'stephylpuss' on occasion; is that demeaning her? She certainly doesn't think so! And she's a very strong woman; stronger and more 'type A' than I am by a good bit. Of course, that's entirely (or at least mostly) within the role my culture prescribes for her, so...
Furthermore, it isn't gay-bashing in any event. 'Gay' does not equal 'effeminate'. There are plenty of guys who aren't gay who are effeminate, and plenty of gays that fit the role their culture prescribes for men. Gay is a sexual orientation, not a single lifestyle. It IS effeminate man bashing; that's true. But I think we can handle ironically bashing modern crawl players for being effeminate in a humor post... in a different context it would be reportable, certainly, but the intent and context were clearly different here.
And my post clearly stated that I can't make sense out of Lasty's rationale; I'll be glad to hear it explained better. I can't comment on what it might or might not be predicated on.
What you and your wife call each other is a matter of individual preference between consenting adults that has pretty much nothing to do with the way language is used in a public context.
In the public context of contemporary English, lots of the words we use as insults derive from comparisons to femininity, to sexual organs, and to sexual acts. At the same time, our culture* has a dysfunctional relationship with sex and a long history of treating women as inferior to, or even as literal property of, men.** So whenever a term associated with femininity is used to disparage someone or something, the message is:
You are like a woman, and that is a bad thing to be like.A lot of homophobic slurs, for instance, revolve around (a) the stereotype of effeminate personalities ("gays act like women, and therefore are inferior") or (b) the implicit shaming of sex acts that make someone "like a woman" in their relationship to the penis ("gays perform fellatio and/or receive penetrative sex, which is like what women do, and is therefore inferior"). It's beside the point that many gay people don't fit the stereotype; the point is that negativity directed towards gayness is very closely interrelated with negativity directed toward women.
(And I'll also throw in a note here this explanation has so far been very binary in terms of both gender and orientation, which is another symptom of the culture's dysfunction around sex and gender. Bi-phobia, trans-phobia, slut-shaming, kink-shaming, exoticizing black/brown/asian/native bodies, etc. are also ways in which "normative" sexuality -- meaning, in this cultural context,
white cis male hetero vanilla sexuality -- is systematically enforced through cultural assumptions and language, including many slang insults and "four-letter" words.)
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So it's not really important whether the offending term was used to bash gays, or demean women, or call modern crawl players effeminate -- the word carries all of those connotations every time it is used, and is therefore an appropriate place to substitute something like 'turnips'. And that this perspective is healthy and valid, even as it bumps up against the equally health and valid perspective that says it should be OK to give voice to offensive words and ideas in order to make a point through humor.
By the way, "You represent all my culture says a woman should be" is not at all what people mean when they call someone a "pussy." But it is still a pretty terrible thing to say about someone when the culture says a woman should be: valued primarily for her looks over her personality; paid $0.72 on the dollar for the same job the man next to her is doing; blamed for "getting herself" raped; forced to carry accidental, unwanted, or unsafe pregnancies to term; etc.
* Meaning North American and European culture, which has become fairly hegemonic as the default "global" culture, and is the only heritage I can personally speak from.
** Actually, this is more or less true of almost all cultures throughout human history.