[Forum Game] Let's Make A Story

[MyOtheHedgeFox]

Let's make a story about an adventurer travelling through the Dungeons!

The rules:

1) The adventurer has Wizmode and can't quit or answer "yes" to "Die?".
1a) He must always remain alive.
1b) Since he is in Wizmode, bizarre things might happen to him. There is even a chance he actually lives in the Dungeons.
2) Make the story funny!
3) Make Xom happy -- be original! Don't be afraid to experiment with words, use ASCII art (both top-down and side-view) to describe the situation, or something else like that. However, try using text only.

Let's start!

[MyOtheHedgeFox]

Once upon a time, there was an adventurer who called himself...

[Confidence Interval]

Once upon a time, there was an adventurer who called himself...

...MyOtheHedgeFox. Which was funny because...

[TehDruid]

...he didn't even own ONE fox, let alone two. However, this is not the story of how he got that nickname...

Edit: Okay I'm retarded lol. I've always read his name as MyOtherHedgeFox Now I noticed there's no r...

[Confidence Interval]

...nor is it the story of his cousin, MyOntheEdgeFox (although that is an interesting story in its own right)...

[Grimm]

Be all that as it may, one fine winter's eve our fiercely Communist vulpophile was perusing his favorite internet forum, which dealt in the main with an obscure computer game. On that very forum, he decided to start a "Let's Make A Story" forum game...

[PerverseSuffering]

...mentioning which withing the same topic created an unbelivable space-time twist, sending him to the Ecumencial Temple, where he immediately started to worship...

[greepish]

Lugonu, so he could put his space-time warping to good use. Meanwhile...

[MyOtheHedgeFox]

...Lugonu did not want him to worship her/him and...

Darn it, I knew creating this topic might backfire. >.<

[Grimm]

...yet he did, so they had a long argument about it.

[MyOtheHedgeFox]

Fortunately, Lugonu saw Grimm standing not too far from the hedgefox.
"If you banish him, so be it!" boomed Lugonu.

Grimm suddenly shivered with cold. After all, it was -10°C in Russia, and he wasn't dressed for the winter. When he saw the Hedgefox with a strange short blade in his hand...

[defen]

..he blinked his freshly rime-rimmed eyes. When he was stabbed, he blinked again, astonished.

(I have also mentally placed an 'r' in your username all this time. Ай эм цонфусед.)

[PerverseSuffering]

...Xom, who was observing, roared with laughter, sending Grimm some...

[Confidence Interval]

...freshly cut tulips and a rare first edition of Carlyle's Sartor Resartus, which Grimm...

[defen]

...believes to be divine instructions to reconsider his state of dress. But first, he procures a bunch of sultanas from his...

[PerverseSuffering]

...amazingly long and well-cared beard, throwing them under MyO's feet!
But suddenly, from upstairs, came a...

[Confidence Interval]

...shaft of light such as sometimes grace the corner of our rooms. Close behind it was...

[greepish]

freakin' Mara! Suddenly both Grimm and MyO view each other as penguins. One says to the other...

[Confidence Interval]

..."Shit, it's Mara!". To which the other penguin replies...

[varsovie]

...*BLINK!* and MyO, now out of sight (10m) of Mara, run toward...

[Stormfox]

...not one, but TWO penguins.

"I'm Grimm!" says the one on the left.

"No, I'M Grimm!" says the one on the right.

Surely there is only one way to decide which one is the illusion...

[Confidence Interval]

(Maybe one of them is Bizarro Grimm...)

[MyOtheHedgeFox]

"...And that was how Hedgefox started worshipping Elyvilon," -- concluded Mara, bowed and disappeared.
Suddenly Grimm understood he was lying on a fairly comfortable couch in a strange room draped with deep-blue silk.
"What the?.." he uttered, rising from it.

It appeared that Lugonu certainly did not want Hedgefox to worship her/him and completely distorted his attempts to banish Grimm.
The distortion was so strong that Grimm was transtimeplaced into the position of the ruler of Elven Halls. No wonder Mara did not kill him. "But where's that hedgefox?" he thought and suddenly noticed that...

[PerverseSuffering]

...he now had the heads of both weird blue hedgehog and a huge-eyed fox along with his own! The heads said...

[MyOtheHedgeFox]

"Огpомная пылевая кома точно представляет собой космический мусор – это скорее индикатор, чем примета. Болид прочно представляет собой Каллисто, но кольца видны только при 40–50."

Looks like Mara's misleading effects are quite lasting...

[defen]

thought the Hedgefox. He was all alone and freezing in the outer Solar System. He sang the words that came to mind:

"Когда одиночество комом подкатит под горло, под горло,"

but could not hear himself. He realized there was no air around him...

[MyOtheHedgeFox]

...and teleported back to the Dungeons. The wands still worked properly.

"Now I definitely will never again enter those starred gateways," he thought, continuing his searches.

Suddenly, he saw...

[Roderic]

...Terence and Jessica, under a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g...

[defen]

Sigmund and Crazy Yiuf, respectively...

[MyOtheHedgeFox]

...and Dpeg and Minmay, fighting over...

[defen]

...whether snozzcumbers seem like a suitable stuffing for a holiday Hellephant trunk...

[greepish]

and whether snozzcumbers are balanced or not (surely they're OP). However, a loud noise boomed loudly, and...

[MyOtheHedgeFox]

...erson flew through the air, and suddenly, the whole field was full of Mr. Smiths!

"Darn them hackers!" roared Dpeg, clutching to his long sword of +50dB. "I'm going to nerf them this time!!!"

[PerverseSuffering]

...as if things weren't hilarious enough, Xom threw an anaconda, a hog, a giant mite and an apple into the battlefield!
Meanwhile, in Nemelex's domain...

[MyOtheHedgeFox]

(a picture of demons drawing cards with paint made from molten dire flails and adventurers)

[greepish]

The card menaces with spikes. On the card is an image of Planepacked the Limestone statue in Limestone. On the card is an image of dwarves in Limestone. The dwarves are traveling. On the card is an image of Planepacked the Limestone statue in Limestone...

[PerverseSuffering]

...Nemelex sure knows what to give Xom for Xmas!
Now, back to our story, where...

[Confidence Interval]

...MyOtheHedgeFox had just backed Minmay at 3-1 on to beat Grimm in the 2.45 Golden Horseshoe Stakes at Shady Oaks. Off went the runners...

[MyOtheHedgeFox]

...while Hedgefox went on with his dungeon exploration, contemplating over the meaning of life and fighting off leftover Mr. Smiths.

But then, the walls shook, the bats flew away, and...

[Confidence Interval]

...he found himself not in a dungeon at all but in the middle of an open plain, and mounted on horseback. In his hand were the reins; on his head, a broad-brimmed hat. He wonder if he should yell "Yee-hah!"...

[PerverseSuffering]

...and so he did, leading his posse he found behind his back onwards into the sunset, where...

[MyOtheHedgeFox]

...the Orcish Horde made a camp, and their laser turrets were undergoing a repair at that moment. That was a good opportunity for a sudden strike.

[Grimm]

So they pulled out their signs and formed a picket line.

[defen]

...and sing:

Some people say an orc is made out of hate.
A proper orc's covered with muscle and plate,
Muscle and plate and blood and guts
Over tiny brain and enormous nuts.

You kill sixteen dwarves, but what is the word?
You guzzled a potion - two hundred incurred!
Saint Roka, don't you call me, 'cause I can't go,
I owe my soul to the company store!...

[PerverseSuffering]

...to which the orcs succumbed and ran at MyO's posse with their arms thrown wide for hugs and peace offering!

[Confidence Interval]

To which the posse, well versed in the arts of war, reacted with unallayed violence and slew every one. Perfidious posse.

[MyOtheHedgeFox]

Because the posse were the demons.

And then Hedgefox was a runner away from them as fast as he could. He definitely should not have quaff-identified that golden potion of confusion.

[Confidence Interval]

...or was it, in fact, a potion of confession?!

[greepish]

Actually it was confusion, but he thought it was confessions, and began spilling his guts about stupid stories like a kid who thought he drank wine but it turned out was really grape juice. "Oh man, lemme tell you about that one time, this was so stupid, I...

[Confidence Interval]

...started a "Let's Make A Story" thread on Crazy Yiuf's Corner. And as if that wasn't bad enough, what happened next was that...