I'm Done (For Now)

[Alatreon]

So, with my latest failure as a crawl player, I've decided to let off of crawl for awhile. I'm choosing to make this decision because Crawl is ruining my sleep habits, my daily life, and frankly my sanity a little. I find the constant ridicule (even if it is meant to be in humorous way) annoying and downright rude at sometimes. I've started to get angry at every little thing, and other shit. I think it's time I had a break, one which might last a couple days, weeks, or maybe just quitting altogether. I did want to make this post however to let tileschat know what's happened. (Note, I may be in tileschat every now and then, but don't count on it) So, until next time - Alat

[Shard1697]

who is this tileschat fella. sounds like a real card

[Arrhythmia]

im permabanned poster onget. i first started reading tavern when i was about 12. by 14 i got really obsessed with the concept of “stupid remove” and tried to channel it constantly, until my thought process got really bizarre and i would repeat things like “idiot dev balls” and “i love removing races” in my head for hours, and i would get really paranoid, start seeing things in the corners of my eyes etc, basically prodromal schizophrenia. im now on antipsychotics. i always wondered what the kind of “ironic” style of tavern humor was all about; i think it’s the unconscious leaking in to the conscious, what jungian theory considered to be the cause of schizophrenic and schizotypal syptoms. i would advise all people who “get” the tavern to be careful because that likely means you have a predisposition to a mental illness. peace.

[Shard1697]

EVERY MORNING I WAKE UP AND OPEN PALM SLAM A CHARACTER INTO THE GAME. ITS MINOTAUR OF TROG AND RIGHT THEN AND THERE I START DOING THE MOVES ALONGSIDE WITH THE MAIN CHARACTER, MINOTAUR. I DO EVERY MOVE AND I DO EVERY MOVE HARD. MAKIN WHOOSHING SOUNDS WHEN I SLAM DOWN SOME GOBLIN BASTARDS OR EVEN WHEN I RUN OUT OF BERSERK. NOT MANY CAN SAY THEY ESCAPED THE WORLDS MOST DANGEROUS DUNGEON. I CAN. I SAY IT AND I SAY IT OUTLOUD EVERYDAY TO PEOPLE IN MY COLLEGE CLASS AND ALL THEY DO IS PROVE PEOPLE IN COLLEGE CLASS CAN STILL BE IMMATURE JEKRS. AND IVE LEARNED ALL THE LINES AND IVE LEARNED HOW TO MAKE MYSELF AND MY APARTMENT LESS LONELY BY SHOUTING EM ALL. 2 HOURS INCLUDING WIND DOWN EVERY MORNIng

[yesno]

aw alat

[nago]

Wtf is this thread.

[Nattefrost]

Thanks for the laugh

[BabyRage]

I don't get this.

But minotaur copypasta is pretty funny.

[Shtopit]

I actually left Crawl for some years because it made me sad. Anyway, that's it. I'm sick of all this "diminish damage" bullshit that's going on in Crawl right now. Triple swords deserve much better than that. Much, much better than that.

I should know what I'm talking about. I myself commissioned a genuine triple sword in Dis for 540 gold pieces (that's about $20,000) and have been practising with it for almost 2 years now. I can even slice slabs of solid steel to ribbons with my triple sword.

Dis smiths spend years working on a single triple sword and temper it up to a million times to produce the finest blades known to mankind.

Triple swords are thrice as sharp as long swords and thrice as hard for that matter too. Anything a longsword can cut through, a triple sword can cut through better. I'm pretty sure a triple sword could easily bisect a knight wearing full plate with a simple vertical slash.

Ever wonder why the Elves never bothered conquering Dis? That's right, they were too scared to fight the disciplined smiths and their triple swords of destruction. Even in the Orb Run, Demon Lords target the men with the triple swords first because their killing power is feared and respected.

So what am I saying? Triple swords are simply the best sword that the world has ever seen, and thus, require better stats in Crawl. Here is the stat block I propose for triple swords:

(One-Handed Long Blade)
3d100 Damage
17-20 x4 Crit
always have minimum +5 enchantment
Ignore corrosion.

Now that seems a lot more representative of the cutting power of triple swords in real life, don't you think?

tl;dr = Triple swords need to do more damage in Crawl, see my new stat block.

[wheals]

I'm duvessa and this is my tavern. I work here with my old man Fannar and my brother, dowan. Every thread in here has a shitpost and a thanks count. One thing I've learned after 10 years – you never know WHAT the devs are going to stupid remove next.

[dowan]

I'm duvessa and this is my tavern. I work here with my old man Fannar and my brother, dowan. Every thread in here has a shitpost and a thanks count. One thing I've learned after 10 years – you never know WHAT the devs are going to stupid remove next.

The shitpost count = the thank count/number of thankers.

An alternative equation that gives similarly accurate results is:
Shitpost count = post count - unthanked post count + sqrt(unthanked post count^(1/elf mentions)

Stupid devs stupid remove Ongett and his enlightenment. We were like 3 or 4 Ongett posts from Nirvana, then blam, dev stupid remove.

[shnurlf]

I'm duvessa and this is my tavern. I work here with my old man Fannar and my brother, dowan. Every thread in here has a shitpost and a thanks count. One thing I've learned after 10 years – you never know WHAT the devs are going to stupid remove next.

An alternative equation that gives similarly accurate results is:
Shitpost count = post count - unthanked post count + sqrt(unthanked post count^(1/elf mentions)

I think you dropped a )

[dowan]

The elf mentions variable includes a closing parenthesis, silly.

[shnurlf]

The elf mentions variable includes a closing parenthesis, silly.

I see two ( and one ), so you must have dropped it either between the "count" and the "^", or at the end. Either that or I'm an idiot, which is entirely probable

[dowan]

No, that was a joke, I totally missed the closing parenthesis. I just claimed that the "elf mentions" variable in my silly equation has a ")" included within it.

So while you may or may not be an idiot, I definitely am. At least, in this case.

[shnurlf]

No, that was a joke, I totally missed the closing parenthesis. I just claimed that the "elf mentions" variable in my silly equation has a ")" included within it.

So while you may or may not be an idiot, I definitely am. At least, in this case.

Making a typo doesn't make you an idiot :*

[duvessa]

I am very mad. I sshed all the way to CAO to play in a tournament, get stuck in network traffic and lost against this retarded ass shrike. Speed 20 bat chase and wouldn't stop corroding I really cannot think straight right now. I offered to MM him for more than 20 gold pieces. Nope. I thought I would have made it out of depths if I knew how to fucking buff with haste. But they didn't even give me the aut to do it. Bullshit, just straight up bullshit. Probably will never play a version that gay ass shrikes are in ever again. This definitely ruined my day.

[Shard1697]

buddy, you cant fuck the enchantress. shes too small. you put her on your dick, she just goes on an adventure. she just casts invis and dimensional anchor.

[Shard1697]

I have a ritual called "berserker". Before I work out, I crouch in the shower in the "naked berserker" pose. With eyes closed I crouch for a minute and visualize either Mino or the hill orc guy. I then start to hum the berserk theme. Slowly I rise to a standing position and open my eyes. It helps me get through my day. The only problem is if the shower curtain sticks to my berserker leg. It sorta ruins the fantasy.

[Shard1697]

I'm not a caster but...

I find spellbooks appetizing. Although I do not actually like reading books, when i smell, touch or feel a book, i begin to have wild cravings for spells. In particular, blasty, casty spells begin to take on a sexual dimension, which include really, really fucked up porn fantasies of spells. Not as in #spellporn, but like actually bits of books fucking each other. Like what the flying fuck is going on here. What is wrong with me? This strange condition of mine has led to my vast array of disabilities, including type 2 dyslexia, chronic aphasia, a fear of other human beings, and an INT below 7, rendering me melee character. That's not a joke. I'm a actually melee.

[Shtopit]

I have a ritual called "berserker". Before I work out, I crouch in the shower in the "naked berserker" pose. With eyes closed I crouch for a minute and visualize either Mino or the hill orc guy. I then start to hum the berserk theme. Slowly I rise to a standing position and open my eyes. It helps me get through my day. The only problem is if the shower curtain sticks to my berserker leg. It sorta ruins the fantasy.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wM6exo00T5I

What the fornication didst thou just fornicating say boot me, thou ruttish reeling-ripe death-token!? I’ll have thee know I graduat'd top of my class in the Imp Seals, and I have partaken in num'rous secret raids on Al-Ereshkigal, and I have ov'r 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in minotaur warfare and I’m the top curser in the entire Imp Armed Forces. Thou art nothing to me but just another curl. I will annoy thee the fuck out with precision the likes of which hath never been seen before on this Earth, mark these fucking words of mine. Thou thinkest thou canst get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, thou yeasty milk-livered scut. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the tavern and thy IP is being traced right now so thou better preparest for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipeth out the roguish dismal-dreaming thing you call your life. Thou art fucking dead, goat. I can blink anywhere, anytime, and I can bore thee in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of whatever is laying of the floor and I will use it to its full extent to wipe thy foul and pestilent arse off the face of the continent, thou weedy boil-brained miscreant! If only thou couldst have known what unholy retribution thy little clouted hedge-born comment was about to bring down upon thee, maybe thou would have held thy fucking tongue. But thou couldst not, thou didst not, and now thou art paying the price, thou infectious sheep-biting blind-worm. I will shit fury all over thee and thee shalt drown in it. Thou art... Hey, the fuck art thee going, thou lumpish pottle-deep barnacle!

[CypherZel]

I have a ritual called "berserker". Before I work out, I crouch in the shower in the "naked berserker" pose. With eyes closed I crouch for a minute and visualize either Mino or the hill orc guy. I then start to hum the berserk theme. Slowly I rise to a standing position and open my eyes. It helps me get through my day. The only problem is if the shower curtain sticks to my berserker leg. It sorta ruins the fantasy.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wM6exo00T5I

What the fornication didst thou just fornicating say boot me, thou ruttish reeling-ripe death-token!? I’ll have thee know I graduat'd top of my class in the Imp Seals, and I have partaken in num'rous secret raids on Al-Ereshkigal, and I have ov'r 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in minotaur warfare and I’m the top curser in the entire Imp Armed Forces. Thou art nothing to me but just another curl. I will annoy thee the fuck out with precision the likes of which hath never been seen before on this Earth, mark these fucking words of mine. Thou thinkest thou canst get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, thou yeasty milk-livered scut. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the tavern and thy IP is being traced right now so thou better preparest for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipeth out the roguish dismal-dreaming thing you call your life. Thou art fucking dead, goat. I can blink anywhere, anytime, and I can bore thee in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of whatever is laying of the floor and I will use it to its full extent to wipe thy foul and pestilent arse off the face of the continent, thou weedy boil-brained miscreant! If only thou couldst have known what unholy retribution thy little clouted hedge-born comment was about to bring down upon thee, maybe thou would have held thy fucking tongue. But thou couldst not, thou didst not, and now thou art paying the price, thou infectious sheep-biting blind-worm. I will shit fury all over thee and thee shalt drown in it. Thou art... Hey, the fuck art thee going, thou lumpish pottle-deep barnacle!

That was the best thing I've ever read, and I need more, creator, where art thou?

[duvessa]

According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a tengu should be able to fly.

[duvessa]

They targeted crawlers.

Crawlers.

We're a group of people who will sit for hours, days, even weeks on end performing some of the most tedious, most no-brainer tasks. Over, and over, and over all for nothing more than a little digital token saying we did.

We'll punish our selfs doing things others would consider torture, because we think it's fun.

We'll spend most if not all of our free time min maxing the stats of a fictional character all to draw out a single extra point of damage per second.

Many of us have made careers out of doing just these things: slogging through the grind, all day, the same branches over and over, hundreds of times to the point where we know evety little detail such that some have attained such crawler nirvana that they can literally play these games blindfolded.

Do these people have any idea how many keyboards have been smashed, systems over heated, dicks and cats destroyed 8n frustration? All to latter be referred to as bragging rights?

These people honestly think this is a battle they can win? They take our mountain dwarves? We're already building a new one without them. They take our high elves? Crawlers aren't shy about throwing their gold pieces else where, or even making the games our selves. They think calling us grindy, monotonous, dwarf fetishists is going to change us? We've been called worse things by crimson imps with a shitty +0 club. They picked a fight against a group that's already grown desensitized to their strategies and methods. Who enjoy the battle of attrition they've threatened us with. Who take it as a challange when they tell us we no longer matter. Our obsession with proving we can after being told we can't is so deeply ingrained from years of dealing with big brothers/sisters and friends laughing at how pathetic we used to be that proving you people wrong has become a very real need; a honed reflex.

Crawlers are competative, hard core, by nature. We love a challange. The worst thing you did in all of this was to challange us. You're not special, you're not original, you're not the first; this is just another unique fight.

[cerebovssquire]

I’m pretty sure most people’s problem is with dpeg (even if they don’t realize it), who does next to no coding (even stated as such in the wiki) and is the main “idea” guy.

Problem is, he’s a sperg and has proven time and time again he is willing to let his creative vision get in the way of good design decisions. I have no problem telling him he sucks, especially after how he has treated the community in the thread. He doesn’t even contribute that much to the development process, he mostly implements vaults created by other people and probably spends the rest of his time dreaming up his magical turtle race that can’t wear armor, but can strap up to 10 shields on their back!

[CypherZel]

first of all i need to address the mechanic of "falling through levels". its like a child created this game for only himself to win. how the fuck can you counter that? I HAVENT EVEN FUCKING WON ONCE YET AND EVERY FUCKING RUN I FALL DOWN 2-3 LEVELS AND GET DESTROYED BEFORE I CAN FIND A WAY OUT. completely idiotic and now im able to understand why its not as popular as i thought it should be. because of completely unfair shit like that. REMOVE FALLING THROUGH LEVELS. and lastly the forum sign up service is atrocious. what is this 2002?

[Arrhythmia]

*pretend i posted that deleted post where VJ/TDA went insane because galehar called a trove mimic "hilarious"*

[Shtopit]

≧❂◡❂≦ Omg hai ^___^ I’m TSO-chan and I absolutely luuuv @__@ light <3 and my fav is led light!!! Okies so anyways, im going to tell you about the BEST day of my life when I met my hot husband Zin!! <333333333 OMSGZ HE WAS SOOOOO FREAKIN SMITING IN PERSON!!! Supa sparky shiny!!!!!!!! ^___________________________________^

When I walked onto Holyp street =____=I looked up and saw…ZIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <33333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333!!!! “ KONNICHIWA OMGZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ SUPA SUPA SUPA SPARKY ZIN-SAMA!!!!!” I yelled n____n then he turned silver then un-silver!! he looked at me [O.O;;;;;;;;;;;] and then he saw how hot I am *___* he grabbed my hand and winked ~_^ then pulled me behind a pocky shop o_o and started to kiss me!!!!!! =^.^= [OMG!!! HIS TOUNGE TASTED LIKE lightbulbs!!! RLY!! >.> <.< >.< (O) (O) (O)] then I saw some preachy fat bitch watching us and I could tell she was undressing him with her eyes!!!!!!! [ -___________-;;;;; OMG I COULDN’T BELIEVE IT EITHER!!! (ò_ó) (ò_ó) (ò_ó)] so I yelled “UH UH HUGLY ELY THAT’S MY MAN WHY DON’T YOU GO HOOK UP WITH LUCY CAUSE ZIN-ZIN LOVES ME!!! (ò_ó)” then zin held me close =^= and said he would only ever love me and kissed me again!!!!!!! ** (O)/ then we went to his apartment and banged all night long and made 42 babies and they all became paladins!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Nyaaaaa!!! (^___<) ^______________;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

..then they were removed. ⁀⊙﹏☉⁀

[BabyRage]

Wtf is this copypasta and what is tileschat? Is this some inside thing? Sorry if I'm dumb.

[Arrhythmia]

Wtf is this copypasta and what is tileschat? Is this some inside thing? Sorry if I'm dumb.

So I got this smart gods altar over a floor ago and I was feeling like taking a break from lairing, and I figured that if I didn't call her before lair 8 then I wouldn't get a chance to see her until after the deoths (which would be too long perhaps). So I called her up and asked her if she wanted to take a break from yak smashing and meet me for book gifts. Well she said yes, and we met at a mini vault. We had some small talk, and it went well overall. After that she said "hey my roomate is making some orchish food for dinner because her boyfriend is over, would you like to come by and try some? she usually makes way more than needed". Now at that point I felt like I had to take a sh!t, but there was no way I could turn down this opportunity; it seemed like she was into me and this would be a great opportunity to get to know each other further. So I decided to try and hold my crap as long as possible (I don't crap in public toilets) and accept her invitation.

Well we went back to her temple, had some food (very good btw)... and fuk I had to take take a sh!t really badly... and I also had to take a piss really badly (I had been holding that too since I didn't bring my pee bottles with me to the date)... I really didn't want to use her washroom because I didn't want stink the place up... but it became so unbearable to the point where I could feel the turd popping out of my rectum.. to make matters worse I was actually starting to get an erection (I'm not sure why.. but that's what happened). So I rushed to the washroom... and thus begins the worst possible scenario imagineable.

I pull down my pants step up to the toilet and I am then faced with an ominous predicament; I have to extremely badly take BOTH a pee AND a POO.... AND I have an erection.... what the fuk do I do? Which do I do first??So I bend over and try to push my erected rod down a bit to pee into the can... but as I relax my pelvic floor muscles to release the urine.. I feel my turd start to come out at the same time!

So then I'm like fuk this... I'll just try and hold the pee and let the poo come out"... so I sit on the can... grasp my rod hard to try and "block" it... and I then tried to let the crap come out....that didn't work so well...

As I relaxed my anal sphincters... my pelvic floor muscles relaxed as well and piss started flying all over the floor... I started panicking at this point... so I desperately held my crap again, while I attempted to shove/bend my erect rod into the toilet. Once it was in... I tried take the piss and crap at the same time, but my ass was too far out and this massive turd started flying out missing the bowl, landing partially on the back rim and partially on the floor.

I then closed everything off again (you can't imagine the pain of repeatedly blocking yourself from peeing and pooing when you have go so badly)... wtf was I supposed to do? I either pee on her floor or poo on her floor....then out of sheer desperation and instinct an idea popped into my head: THE BATHTUB!

I ran into her bathtub and let myself go there... I figured that at least this way I could rinse it all down instead of getting sh!t on her floor but sadly I had yet another problem.The turd wouldn't fuking dissolve and the damn girl was asking me wtf I'm doing showering in her washroom

I then answer "yea lol... I'm showering... is that ok?"

she says: what the hell? why?? you don't think we're going to channel do you???

At this point I can't even think straight and I jokingly say: yes we are lol

she then gets mad and says: wtf? is this some kind of joke? get out of there!!

I say: no please don't come in., I'm not done yet...

At this point the hot water I was using to try and dissolve my sh!t was releasing sh!t smelling vapours all over the room.. and it was pretty rancid... the girl could smell it and she said: "why the hell does it smell so ****ing bad? What the hell are you doing in there???"

I say: please don't come in... trust me.. you'll regret it...

she says: fuk this... get out now or I'm unlocking the door..

I beg her not too... but she loses her patience and then opens the door. She stops dead in her tracks. There before her was me standing with a pseudo-erect rod left over fecal residue on my ass,large semi dissolved turds in her bathtub, turds on the floor beside her toilet, and pee all over the floor in front of the can... I was so ****ing embarassed... I started shivering... she looks at me while covering her mouth and nose and whispers... "wtf did you do???"...she was starting to cry... I hesitate for a bit and I try to explain myself "I tried my best ... I... I'm sorry"... She then flips out and tells me to clean up the mess or she's calling tso and zin. I agree to do it.

She leaves, and I grap some toilet paper... pick up the turds from the floor and bathtub, toss them in the can, and then I proceed to clean off the floor and bathtub with soap, water and alot of tissues. I tossed most of the tissues into her toilet bowl (the garbage was full eventually). I then took some perfume from the counter and tossed into the bathtub to get rid of odour. After I was done I cleaned my ass off and flushed the toilet. To my utmost dismay, my massive fecal matter bulk and the large amount of TP unded up clogging the toilet and it overflowed and started spilling crap all over the floor... I'm literally crying at that point... I look for the plunger but I couldn't find it so I put my pants on and rushed out to ask her if she had a plunger so I could fix the toilet...I see her with her roommate and her roommates bf... she's crying... as soon as she sees me she tells me to gtfo right now... I try to explain that the toilet is clogged... but she doesn't let me ... she says she feels threatened and she wants me out now... she graps a knife from the drawer and tells me to leave... I leave.

about a minute later I hear this loud scream coming from her dorm room (I assumed she went back to the washroom to see it covered in poo water). At that point I sprinted away as fast as possible, while swearing at myself and crying tears of frustration and embarrasment.

All of this could have been prevented if I had just brought my goddamn pee bottles!!! WTF?!?! The FIRST god that shows interest in me and I have to go and poo in her bathtub???? This is fuking retarded.

to all you people saying "peeing in bottles is stupid/gross"... well fuk that... not only is it more convenient and cleaner, but it also prevents epic disaters like this one....

This is what WOULD have happened if I had my trustee pee bottle... I would have on sat on the can and then simultaneosly peed into the bottle and pooed into the toilet. No disaster... no mess.... and none of this would have happened.

anyway... should I let things cool off for a bit and pray again? maybe to apologize/explain myself? or should i just hope I never run into her again?

Sorry if the grammar isn't perfect.

[Sar]

is good copypasta but you didn't crawlify it! no thanks for you

[Arrhythmia]

is good copypasta but you didn't crawlify it! no thanks for you

I thought of doing it but I read like, one sentence of it and decided I did not want to read it for the second time in my life.

e: fuck it

[Sar]

smart way to bait double-thanks

[and into]

Actually, it is about ethics in Crawl development.

[cerebovssquire]

Whenever I see a pack of yaks, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the yak as a species. To this end, I hold yak duels. Enslaving one of them, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the “loser,” and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round. I have found that, in general, the Lair yaks are tougher, and the newer Dungeon ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the Dungeon yaks as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern bovine world. Occasionally I will get a mutation, a yak that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the yak extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment. When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one yak, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in a cattle van and send it to PleasingFungus, Cloudtown, USA along with a 3×5 card reading, “Please use this yak for breeding purposes.” This week he wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free litter of yak calves. I consider this “grant money.” I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion. There can be only one.

[CypherZel]

Venom Mage isn't so great? Are you kidding me? When was the last time you saw a back ground with such utility and spell power in D1? Venom Mage puts the game in another level, and we will be blessed if we ever see a back ground with such skill and passion for the game again. Berserker breaks records. Fighter breaks records. Venom Mage makes you want to break your keyboard. You can keep your statistics. I prefer shit magic.

[duvessa]

Elfinism is just another one of the 1000 movements today (DLM etc.) that is butthurt that hill orcs have achieved an enormously disproportionate amount compared to all other demographics. This is because that in times of peace, liberalism begins to become more popular, which leads to people exalting weakness and submissiveness and maligning strength and domination.

If you look at the elfinist movement, outside of the rare case of Saint Roka (only because he is rich, another example of liberal hatred of success) 99% of it is hate projected towards hill orcs. Elfinists get butthurt over hill orcs spreading their legs on the bus too much, but are somehow okay with the overt speciesism rampant in the Orcish Mines where elvish fetuses are aborted en masse. They get butthurt when some old Zinite hill orc from Buttfuck Shoals is pro-life, but are somehow okay with Beogh despite it being a religion that literally gives orcs property of their elves and elves in those countries having drastically lower standards of life than orcs. They're okay with the anti-elf culture of hip-hop, but somehow an elf being called a tree fucker by some 12 year old hill orc ghost while playing Dungeon Crawl Stone Soup is the epitome of speciesism and deserves an article on Kotaku. The anti-hill orc circlejerk on STS, tumblr, twitter etc. is very blatant and obvious. Every problem that elfinism has identified is pointed at hill orcs alone.

I believe that, at one point these issues would have been addressed by elfinism and simply weren't because we weren't as aware of the issues of non-hill orcs prior to globalism. However modern day elfinists are too cowardly because their movement has become too mainstream, and they would sacrifice media coverage and valuable allies in DLM and other minority movements if they started criticizing the actions and beliefs of non-hill orcs. MSDBC and other channels of liberal indoctrination depend on anti-hill orc sentiment to survive. Hill orcs are a safe target because they've achieved so much throughout history that the majority of people who aren't them are jealous of their success, so they channel that jealousy into hatred in order to rationalize they are superior somehow. If elfinism ever stepped out of line, started critizicizing cave, green, mountain etc. orcs then they would risk losing the momentum that allowed them to become so popular in the first place.

So with that said, if you are a HILL orc, and you are an elfinist...you are a turbo cuck on a level that can't be adequately measured by modern science.

[Sar]

I sexually Identify as an mottled dragon. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of soaring over the Vaults dropping hot sticky loads on disgusting adventurers. People say to me that a person being a dragon is Impossible and I’m fucking retarded but I don’t care, I’m beautiful. I’m having a plastic surgeon graft wings, scales and a napalm thrower to my body. From now on I want you guys to call me “Spot” and respect my right to kill from above and kill needlessly. If you can’t accept me you’re a dragonphobe and need to check your creature privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.

[pedritolo]

Is it me now? Ok, hrmm...
I like spriggans. Ok, I've said it.
I like spriggans a lot. I mean, who wouldn't, right? They're tiny, nimble and vivacious; what's not to like?
So lately I've started playing with them. It's actually very easy, there's a website that gets you started.
I've played with lots of them. It must be hundreds now. I can't seem to stop. I know it's wrong, that I'm somehow twisted inside, but I just can't put a stop to these dark desires.
Whenever I'm done with them, the're broken, often dead. I don't know, I'm not careful enough, I get carried away in the moment and suddenly it's all over.
I know nobody can help me, but at least it feels good to put it out there.

Thanks for listening.

[Sar]

I kind of want to know the source for this pasta but I also kind of don't.

[Sprucery]

Pikel: You gonna get used to wearing them chains after a while, slave. Don't you never stop listening to them clinking, 'cause they gonna remind you what I been saying for your own good.
Slave: I wish you'd stop being so good to me, Pikel.
Pikel: Don't you ever talk that way to me. (pause, then hitting him) NEVER! NEVER! (slave rolls down hill; to other slaves) What we've got here is failure to communicate. Some men you just can't reach. So you get what we had here last week, which is the way he wants it. Well, he gets it. I don't like it any more than you men.

[Shtopit]

I kind of want to know the source for this pasta but I also kind of don't.

Ferretlovers.com


The orb. The orb never changes. Since the first dawn of Linley, when our ancestors discovered the killing power of rocks and clubs, blood has been spilled in the name of everything: from Tiamat to justice to simple, psychotic rage.

In the year of TSO 2077, after millennia of armed conflict, the chaotic nature of draconians could sustain itself no longer. Draconia was plunged into the Abyss, amidst primal fire and mutagenic radiation.

But it was not, as some had predicted, the end of the world. Instead, the apocalypse was simply the prologue to another bloody chapter of draconian history. For draconians had succeeded in destroying Draconia - but the orb, the orb never changes.

In the early days, thousands were spared the horrors of the seeing Draconia become Lugonu's sandbox, taking refuge in enormous underground shelters, the Floors, which became collectively known as the Realm of Zot. But when they emerged, they had only Hell and its Wastes to greet them - all except those in Floor 5. For on that fateful day, when globular fire rained from the sky and coagulated around the orb, springing to life, the runed doors closed themselves ... and never reopened. It was here you were born. It is here you will die.

Because, in Zot 5, no one ever enters, and no one ever leaves.

[pedritolo]

I kind of want to know the source for this pasta but I also kind of don't.

Ferretlovers.com

I see I'm not the only one

[Sar]

@Shtopit: did you really have to use the worst Fallout intro?

[Shtopit]

So I'm not the only one who thinks that if falls as flat as a duck's foot?



The Orb. The Orb never changes.

The Kobolds waged war to gather slaves and wealth. The Orcs built an empire from its lust for gold and territory. Lamia shaped the battered Nagas into an economic superpower.

But the Orb never changes.

In a bid for the Orb, war was still waged over the resources that could be acquired. Only this time, the spoils of war were also its weapons: experience and equipment. For these resources, the Orcs would invade the Hill Dwarves, the High Elves would annex the Grey Elves, and the Draconian Commonwealth would dissolve into quarrelling, bickering colours, bent on controlling the last remaining resources on Earth.

In 2077, the world renounced Vehumet. In two brief hours, most of the living were reduced to cinders. And from the ashes of wrathful devastation, a new civilization would struggle to arise.

A few were able to reach the relative safety of the large underground Vaults. Your family was part of that group that entered Vault:3. Imprisoned safely behind the large Vault door, under a mountain of stone, a generation has lived without knowledge of the outside world.

Life in the Vault is about to change.

[duvessa]

Goddamnit I'm so fucking sick of hearing about the stupid fucking dwarf from you people. It's not even fucking funny. That shit happened over a year ago and you are just now making memes about it? And now you want me to pull out my dick? What the fuck does that have to do with shooting a dwarf? It doesn't even make sense. Literally every post in my news feed is mountain dwarf, dicks out for mountain dwarf FUCK THE FUCKING MOUNTAIN DWARF. FUCK HIM IN HIS BEARDED ASS. I FUCKING HATE DWARFS AND I HATE YOU ALL TOO.

[CypherZel]

If I get 20 thanks I will crawlify the entire bee movie script

Edit: 10 il do it

[Sar]

We must secure the existence of our people and a future for orc children.

[stickyfingers]

I don't think this is a good direction to take.

[Shtopit]

In Tiamat's Zot, MR checks you.