DCSS Text Improvement Taskforce

[coolio]

Expanded the items section substantially; still missing a bunch - all the artefacts are still absent for instance.

[Grimm]

Thanks coolio. Items and dungeon features need a lot of attention.

Roderic's been supplying some excellent quotes - thanks Roderic.

A lot of descriptions have been improved, especially for uniques - great stuff.

We want quotes to come from varied sources, so please avoid sources that are overrepresented. Specifically Lovecraft, the Bible and Tolkien have several quotes each - no more from them please.

Please keep an eye on formatting and citing your quotes properly.

I hope to find time this weekend to give the sheet a thorough go-over.


Thanks to everyone who helps with this.

[Grimm]

I do wish the Goog Docs revision notifications were better.

[galehar]

Don't wait for the spreadsheet to be filled for submitting your changes. This should be an iterative and maybe ongoing project. As soon as you have a decent amount of reviewed content, compile it as a patch, or just a zip with the text files, and submit them on mantis. Thanks for your work everybody.

[Roderic]

It's always a pleasure to browse around texts and more texts from the classic literature to find something relevant or suitable. I recommend find some content on Orient, Middle East, African and Native american lore because we lack of. If I had more time I would have found the majority of them. Now I will have holidays and the god stuff is coming soon.

[Grimm]

Don't wait for the spreadsheet to be filled for submitting your changes. This should be an iterative and maybe ongoing project. As soon as you have a decent amount of reviewed content, compile it as a patch, or just a zip with the text files, and submit them on mantis.

Right now we have no clear way to mark what's been reviewed and what hasn't. There is some new content that we definitely don't want, or that definitely needs editing.

[Roderic]

To put a bit of order let's concrete some milestones. At least one quote per any monster class and a quote for a generic item. Once discussed, checked and edited it can be sent BUT we can continue to add more to make a reservoir of good quotes for any entry on the table.

I want to propose that the items should have their very own quote rather than a generic one; this can be made progressively. The generic quote for an item should be applied to unidentified ones, and change when it is known. Is it possible to code?

I think it's a good idea to add an "unidentified" row to each item type in the table and place the generic quote there.

[galehar]

Is it possible to code?

Of course, anything is possible

[dolphin]

Right now we have no clear way to mark what's been reviewed and what hasn't. There is some new content that we definitely don't want, or that definitely needs editing.

Is there any reason why a separate column marking revision status can't be added? That would allow you to sort the articles easily, right?

[Grimm]

The reason is that I am crap at spreadsheets. I invite those with superior skills in that department to do what needs to be done.

[Un67]

Although I'm not exactly a repository of literary knowledge, this project is something I would love to help with. I added a vow for Yred in the gods section, is it alright? The whole section seemed a bit barren, so...

[Grimm]

That vow looks pretty good Un67. I'll edit it slightly for style, and also /'s between lines of verse are nicht erwünscht. Please contribute all you wish.

[Un67]

Thanks, that's good to know. I didn't know how to start new lines in the spreadsheet, though, so I ended up dividing it like that instead.

[Roderic]

The vow looks good. Hymns I've read usually have the following structure (3 or 4 stanzas): a hail to the god with a series of epythets, then a description of its abilities, achievements and a lot of flattering to gain its favour (this can be done in two stanzas) and the last one is to ask for the favour you want.

Sure vows have a common structure as well.

[lordfrikk]

Thanks, that's good to know. I didn't know how to start new lines in the spreadsheet, though, so I ended up dividing it like that instead.

Just press Ctrl+Enter to insert line break.

[Un67]

Thanks to both of you, both of what you said really helped. With what the two of you said in mind I edited the Yred vow and wrote a new Makhleb one. Is it better now?

[lordfrikk]

I was just now wondering why there is no "slime floor" for Slime Pits. Other branches do have their own specific floor tile...

[Roderic]

I've added Two new prayers / hymns. Now berserkers and wannabe-paladins can pray to their respective gods.

Notice that each composition does not need to follow the same structure nor the lenght. The Makhleb one is more like an hymn and the Yred one is more like a vow, what is fine.

Now we need the inspection of Grimm the Grammar Meister.

[Un67]

And I wrote a vow for Chei. It's a bit sparse, but given the subject matter I can't exactly write much else.

[Grimm]

I like these new hymns.

Unless you can write verse that scans properly, it's best to forget about rhyming your lines. Shining One hymn, I'm looking at you.

The Trog hymn needs some work. It switches back and forth between addressing Trog directly and referring to him in the third person. Also some of the lines are a bit unclear:

those that feel in words
For your script

in particular needs to be changed to something that makes sense.

[dpeg]

Awesome to see the progress!

Apart from what Galehar said (no need to wait until it is "finished" -- just hand in good bits one by one), a comment on uniques: most have an indication on their flavour as a comment in the speech file (source/dat/database/monspeak.txt). It is not compulsory to go with this, and the flavour can be amended or changed, but in any case it is good to look at the speech lines. (New speech lines are also welcome.)

[Un67]

Wrote another prayer, this one for Ely.

[Roderic]

Added two new hymns for Okawaru and for Ashenzari with a lot of flatter. I'll revise the Trog one later.

[Un67]

There's now one done for Jivya, too.

EDIT: And Vehumet.

[Grimm]

I've just gone on a rampage through the descript/monsters.txt file and the Monsters tab is almost up to date with all extant descriptions. The following monsters appear in monsters.txt but not on the list yet; could someone who is familiar with these creatures' types please insert their names and descriptions in the proper places:

  Code:

%%%%
diamond obelisk

This obelisk seems to be for all practical purposes indestructible. You'd better find a way around... it might even provide one.
%%%%
The iron giant

Huge, lumbering, and particularly dull, this rusting monolith packs quite the punch. It is quite possibly the largest giant you have ever seen.
%%%%
lightning spire

This contraption, made from a coil and a rod, is buzzing with electricity and can shoot it far, zapping anyone who comes into range.
%%%%
mimic

An apparently abandoned item, actually a vicious little beast in disguise.
%%%%
pile of gold coins

This apparently harmless pile of gold coins hides a nasty venomous shapechanging predator.
%%%%
program bug

A ravenous and incredibly buggy monster. Please report its existence to the DevTeam.
%%%%
small simulacrum

An ice replica of a monster that is animated by the powers of necromancy.
%%%%
tentacle

This mighty tentacle is a part of a kraken. Any damage dealt to it hurts the whole creature.
%%%%
tentacle segment

Part of the mighty tentacle of a kraken. Any damage dealt to it hurts the whole creature.
%%%%
antique lich

A lich who has grown expensive over countless years.
%%%%
Cigotuvi's Monster

This terrifying creation looks to have been constructed from the body parts of every monstrous creature imaginable.
%%%%
grey elf

Once considered a unique species of its own, grey elves are now more properly classified as a sub-species of high elf. Little exists to distinguish them from their high elf cousins, aside from their supposed glamour (which is probably more myth than fact).
%%%%
human monk

It seems a flimsy representation of a monk; nothing more than a half-formed memory.
%%%%
iron troll monk

It seems a flimsy representation of a monk; nothing more than a half-formed memory.
%%%%
malarious mermaid

A young woman with a fish tail in place of legs. She looks quite sick, but still capable of bespelling her audience.
%%%%
rock troll monk

It seems a flimsy representation of a monk; nothing more than a half-formed memory.
%%%%
sickly siren

A young woman with a fish tail in place of legs. She looks quite sick, but still capable of bespelling her audience.
%%%%
strange machine

A glistening silver machine.
%%%%


[Grimm]

What does

__cap-T_suffix

mean?

[coolio]

Whose task is it to evaluate new content? Grimm's? It'd be nice to get this done for new (blue) stuff currently in the spreadsheet, so that a patch can be compiled and submitted.

Also, googling the names of stuff to get the date and adding it yourself doesn't take much longer than just commenting 'date?'.

[Grimm]

Whose task is it to evaluate new content? Grimm's? It'd be nice to get this done for new (blue) stuff currently in the spreadsheet, so that a patch can be compiled and submitted.

Yeah it's mine. I've been a little behind on this lately but I hope to do a thorough proofread within the next week.

[Grimm]

The monsters tab is fully checked, everything marked "yes" is ready to be submitted.

There is still an awful lot of work to be done. Contributions are welcome.

[Grimm]

I've come up with a proposal for reforming the stealth and MR scale adjectives. It's here:
https://spreadsheets.google.com/spreads ... c&hl=en_GB

I've harmonised the two sets, eliminated the ambiguous "quite" and "fairly", and done away with the "extremely-extraordinarily-incredibly" set, which is confusing even for native speakers. The page is set to open edit.

Over on the right of that document is a first attempt at descriptions of the nutrition levels of food items, so that the player would have a better idea how best to utilise his or her food. (Which is more nutritious: apple or banana?) However I realised that the nutrition levels of food are dependent on the carn/herb mutation levels of the character, so the list would have to be written to include all possible nutrition levels. I am willing to do this, but is someone willing to write the code that will modify food descriptions? I imagine it would be like the code that automatically notes features in monster descriptions : "It is fast. It can fly." etc. The food code would read the nutrition number as perceived by the character and print the appropriate line in the item's description.

[galehar]

This is great, thanks. I don't like replacing extraordinarily by uncommonly. Maybe exceptionally? Appart from that, I like it very much. Regarding nutrition, it might change soon with the food reform.

[Grimm]

I've changed uncommonly to exceptionally. That works well - incredibly is clearly better that exceptionally.

I'll wait until after the food reform to work on nutrition descriptions.


edit: Crawl Wiki says
potion of water gives 20 nutrition http://crawl.chaosforge.org/index.php?t ... n_of_water
potion of water gives 60 nutrition http://crawl.chaosforge.org/index.php?t ... _satiation
Which is it?

[dpeg]

dtsund made a fork of Stone Soup called Crawl Light. In particular, he added descriptions for all spellbooks. I like them, perhaps they are useful for your purposes:
https://github.com/dtsund/dtsund-crawl-mod/commit/a9dc94012c6686845796be49d0038ba1abbdd7e1

[Grimm]

Yes, I definitely want to improve the spellbook descriptions. These are excellent starting points, though I want ours to be more elaborate.

[dpeg]

Grimm: more elaborate is great, but I think he has a good way of setting the tone. Makes a fun read.

[Wensleydale]

Wow, this is really amazing. I love all the work that's been done here, and I'm very impressed at the self-organized nature of this effort.

I'd be happy to format all the new text into a patch, if it's ready for it. Also, it would be great if we knew the names of everyone who helped out on this, so that the devs can add their names to the credits.

[greatzebu]

I am looking for some suggestions for alternate flavor text on criticals. These are the messages like "you open the kobold like a pillowcase", "you spit the goblin like a pig", and "you dice the ogre like an onion". I think they're great, but some more variety would be nice.

I'm looking for both ideas for new text and feedback on whether or not it's even a good idea to add new messages. Some suggestions I've gotten already:

"You carve the letter 'Z' in the foo's chest!" (where 'Z' is your characters initial)
you slash foo into ribbons
you slice x like a ripe choko
beat like a gong
pound like an anvil
skewer like a kebab

[dpeg]

I like all of your work a lot. Some comments:

A number of smaller patches (e.g. sorted by type) might be easier to digest for us than one monolothic patch. This also takes the pressure off you to finish the task in one go.

Did you use dtsund's book description ideas yet?

A list with contributors for the CREDITS would be nice to have. I prefer clear names but other developers are less strict about it. Your choice, I guess.

GreatZebu: I would love such synonyms. I cannot really judge the ones you present, but they sound good to my non-native ear.

[mumra]

I'm looking for both ideas for new text and feedback on whether or not it's even a good idea to add new messages. Some suggestions I've gotten already:

• You redecorate the floor/walls with foo's blood
• You rip foo a new one
• You knock foo into next fortnight
• Foo suffers a fate worse than a fate worse than death
• You make foo wear its bowels like a hat

Finally, perhaps change "beat like a gong" to "hammer like a gong" (gongs are technically played with a hammer); then maybe have "beat foo like a drum" also.

Hmm; maybe a separate spreadsheet would be good for these texts?

[Grimm]

I'd be happy to format all the new text into a patch, if it's ready for it.

Everything marked with a "yes" in black is ready for print. Right now that's only stuff on the Monsters tab.
Please re-color things you submit with grey so that we can easily see what's done.



[*] You redecorate the floor/walls with foo's blood

This doesn't sound like a critical hit to me. Redecorating is a slow and time-consuming process. How about something like "You splatter the wall with foo's blood".

[*] You rip foo a new one

This one is not good. Too slangy.

[*] Foo suffers a fate worse than a fate worse than death

I don't really like this one either.

Did you use dtsund's book description ideas yet?

Not yet. I plan to dedicate most of the next seven days to working on this and bringing it close to completion.

[Wensleydale]

Working on it right now, then. Consider the Monsters tab checked out until further notice.

[Wensleydale]

Monster Descriptions, Round 1 delivered: https://crawl.develz.org/mantis/view.php?id=4528

Notes:
1) This patch contains only descriptions, not quotes (those are for the next patch). Nor have any monster names been changed.
2) I wasn't 100% sure what Pharaonic Mummy and Vampire Count formerly referred to, so their descriptions were not included.
3) I felt like the suggested description for hound was less good than the current description, of which it is a subset. I've changed its review column to "yes?" and left a comment on the cell.
4) I felt like the suggested description for spriggan assassin could be better (and had no better ideas myself :P ). I've changed its review column to "yes?".
5) While reviewing the descriptions I made several changes that I feel were inoffensive, such as fixing spelling mistakes, punctuation errors, rewording sentences to avoid the use of em dashes (they just look ugly in a monospaced font), and replacing words with synonymous words, although entries that I changed were far in the minority (which is to say that the new descriptions are very good, well done everyone :D ). The only description that I modified significantly was for the wandering mushroom, and as such I have changed its review column to blank to be reviewed again.

Awesome work, folks! :) I anticipate working on the quotes patch tomorrow.

[Grimm]

Brilliant, Wensleydale, thanks a lot for doing this. I had been planning to get around to figuring out mantis but now I don't have to
I am mortified though that you discovered spelling mistakes that got by me.

Vampire Count was Vampire Knight. I think Pharaonic Mummy was Royal Mummy.

[Wensleydale]

Grimm: You're welcome! There was actually just one spelling mistake, "dessicated", and one punctuation error, which was a period where there ought to have been a comma and a space. I also periodically added a few oxford commas, but I wasn't trying to be exhaustive on that front.

I've also gone through the Monsters tab and updated the Desc. Review and Quote Review columns. Now all quotes or descriptions colored green or grey have "done" in their Review columns, so if you want to go through and review only those quotes or descriptions that still need to be reviewed, you can filter for blank entries. Do you know how to apply a filter?

[Kate]

And the first batch of changes are in trunk! Thanks to everyone who's been contributing these, and Wensley for making the patch of course.

[Grimm]

I also periodically added a few oxford commas, but I wasn't trying to be exhaustive on that front.

I've been eschewing oxford commas in keeping with British usage, as per the guidelines, except where required by clarity.

Do you know how to apply a filter?

I do not.

[Wensleydale]

...Oh, I had been including Oxford commas because I thought British guidelines favored them. :P In any case, I don't think I added too many. I'll keep that in mind for the future.

To apply a filter to the spreadsheet, follow these steps:
1) Click on any cell in the first row of the table.
2) Above the spreadsheet, go to Data, then click on Filter. Little triangles should appear in the corner of each cell in the first row of the table (the column headers).
3) Find the column you want to filter by (one of the two Review columns, most likely) and click on the little triangle in the column header.
4) Uncheck items that you don't want to see. For example, to see just items that haven't been reviewed yet, uncheck everything except "(Blanks)". Click OK.

At this point, the table will redraw itself to show only the rows that match the criteria given in the filter. I'm not sure, but the filters might be saved when the spreadsheet is saved, so when you're done you can turn off the filters by going to Data > Turn Off Filter, lest the next person becomes confused as to why there are so many rows apparently missing.

[Grimm]

Thanks for the instructions. Very handy. Something's come up so I won't be able to get started on this for another day or two but it will happen soon.

...Oh, I had been including Oxford commas because I thought British guidelines favored them.

Some British authorities do favor them but many don't, including Oxford itself (but not the OUP). The decisive opinion for our purposes though is the Australian Government's, which is firmly against. I feel it's a nice gesture to maintain the style of Henzell's motherland.

[Wensleydale]

Also, I should mention that the patch was committed last night, just a few hours after being submitted:

https://gitorious.org/crawl/crawl/commi ... 072afa737e


So go play trunk and enjoy the new monster descriptions!

[Grimm]

All right I'm getting to work on it now. Wensleydale, could you submit the power scale adjective changes I have at the link below? Thanks.

https://spreadsheets.google.com/spreads ... c&hl=en_GB