bad jokes

[twelwe]

when i think of a joke that is good, i have also think about ten other joke that is bad. not is not funny, but a bad joke. well here are some of the jokes.

how many amputee`s does it take to fit a lightbulb
three

why does this chicken cross the road
it was going straight

knock knock
who`se thear
jay
jay who
jpeg

i have another knock knock joke. knock knock., whose thear
and you run away instead of answering. its a joke on the guy.

post some of you`r jokes

[prozacelf]

q: what's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat
a: the wheelchair

This one reminds me of my repertoire of dead baby jokes....

[mrbobbyg]

A pirate walks into a bar, swerving wildly, a big ships steering wheel attached to his belt buckle.

As he staggers to the bar, the bartender says, "that's some wheel you got there".

The pirate looks back at him and says "ARRRRR, it's drivin' me nuts!"

[giygas]

How many boring people does it take to change a lightbulb?
One.

How many dyslexics does it take to change a lightbulb?
Tree.

How many nihilists does it take to change a lightbulb?
What lightbulb?

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
That isn't funny.

How many -------------- does it take to ------ a ------------?
----------- to ----------- the ------------, and ---------- to -------- the ---------- into the -----------.

How many dpegs does it take to change a lightbulb?
"Where's the fun if you can just screw the lightbulb in?" - Dpeg

How many polititians does it take to change a lightbulb?
One to assure everyone that every possible action is being taken, and one to screw the bulb into the faucet.

How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?
The fish.

I love lightbulb jokes, as you may have noticed.

[TehDruid]

My favourite light bulb joke is this one:

- How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
- Six. One to change it, and five to sing how good the old one was.

[Jabberwocky]

Sorta not bad.
Descartes walks into a bar. The bartender asks "Same as usual, René?" He responded "I think not" and disappeared.

[nicolae]

termite walks into a pub, heads up to the counter, and asks "is the bar tender here?"

[rebthor]

String walks into a bar. Bartender says, "We don't serve 'strings' here."
String walks out of the bar, messes up his hair, gets all twisted and then walks back into the bar.
Bartender says, "Aren't you that string who just came in here?"
String says, "I'm a frayed knot."

[chukamok]

A man walks into a bar and says, "Ouch."

[Jabberwocky]

What's orange and sounds like a carrot?

Spoiler: show

A parrot

[varsovie]

What's your favo(u)ri/ate unique(s) [thread] ?

[Jabberwocky]

Why do chicken coops have two doors?

Spoiler: show

Because if they had four doors, they would be chicken sedans.

[nicolae]

String walks into a bar. Bartender says, "We don't serve 'strings' here."
String walks out of the bar, messes up his hair, gets all twisted and then walks back into the bar.
Bartender says, "Aren't you that string who just came in here?"
String says, "I'm a frayed knot."

Two strings walk into a bar. The first one says "I'd like a rum and coke.7uE[Iy%5$IAw!G;.5a3*]\7meR64CIH&l]St%qxd@P"
The second one says, "You'll have to excuse my friend, he's not null-terminated."

[giygas]

String walks into a bar. Bartender says, "We don't serve 'strings' here."
String walks out of the bar, messes up his hair, gets all twisted and then walks back into the bar.
Bartender says, "Aren't you that string who just came in here?"
String says, "I'm a frayed knot."

Two strings walk into a bar. The first one says "I'd like a rum and coke.7uE[Iy%5$IAw!G;.5a3*]\7meR64CIH&l]St%qxd@P"
The second one says, "You'll have to excuse my friend, he's not null-terminated."

Two strings walk into a bar. The first one, who is wearing a black hood that completely covers his face, says "exec \" $input = <STDIN> \" ".
The second one says, "Just give the poor guy a drink. He's about to be executed."

(It's a Perl joke)

[Jabberwocky]

That's not funny.

[giygas]

That's not funny.

Program perl, and try using the exec command. Only then will you understand the double meaning here.

[mumra]

Two arrays walk into a bar
One asks if it can have some foo
The barman says, "no problem, but first I must allocate a table for you"

(Lua meta joke)

[mumra]

Some foo walks into a bar.

(Dev joke)

[giygas]

A nihilist doesn't walk into a bar.

[Grimm]

what do you call it when pigs put off doing things

porkrastination

[aegis]

Hey have you heard of Ilsuiw's grades? They're below C level! (Ba dum tiss)

[Jabberwocky]

What's brown and sticky?

Spoiler: show

A stick.

[cerebovssquire]

what do you call it when pigs put off doing things

porkrastination

https://i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/3566423040/h2FADA51D/

[giygas]

What's red, and smells like blue paint?

Spoiler: show

red paint

[twelwe]

What's red, and smells like blue paint?

Spoiler: show

red paint

belongs in the red jokes thread

[aegis]

You know the badest joke in history?

Spoiler: show

Justin Biebers manlyness.

[Grimm]

What is the chief existential dilemma confronting a minotaur?

To Be or not to Be.

[rebthor]

@minmay at first I was like but then at the end I was like

[Laraso]

An Irish man walks out of a bar.

[marikvulpina]

two muffins are baking in an oven. one turns to the other and says, "boy it sure is getting hot in here!"

the other, horrified, shrieks "OH MY GOD! A TALKING MUFFIN!"

[giygas]

What did the prism say to the light beam that ran into him?
Get bent!

What is the karate expert's favorite beverage?
Kara Tea.

[Mankeli]

I love the "enters a bar" jokes so here is mine:

Twelwe and minmay enter a bar. Hours later, he walked out and left home.

This is the thread for bad jokes so don't complain

[Jabberwocky]

"We don't serve faster than light particles", says the bartender. A tachyon enters the bar.

[mumra]

A time traveller walks into a bar.

The barkeep says, "I've heard this one before."

[aegis]

Justin Bieber's dick.

[Mankeli]

[Amnesiac]

Justin Biebers manlyness.

Justin Bieber's dick.

You seem to be good at bad jokes.

[and into]

viewtopic.php?f=17&t=7366

Sick burn!!!!11!!1!

EDIT: Seriously though, I tried to tell a bad joke, once, but the bastard refused to listen to me.

[Mankeli]

A logician’s wife is having a baby. The doctor immediately hands the newborn to the dad.

His wife asks impatiently: “So, is it a boy or a girl” ?

The logician replies: “yes”.

[Mankeli]

...And a couple of more "walks into a bar" jokes:

First:
Helium walks into a bar and orders a beer, the bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve noble gases here.” He doesn’t react.

Second:
Silver and Gold walk into a bar.

Bartender says “‘ey you, get outta here!”

Gold leaves the bar.