The coolest of the cool artifact names

[starless]

Post any artifact you've recently found which kind of sucks but has a cool name.
I'll begin with this one:

the +5, +9 hand axe of Trog's Brutal Revenge (god gift, flame, rElec, Int -4}

[TehDruid]

I'll begin with this one:

the +5, +9 hand axe of Trog's Brutal Revenge (god gift, flame, rElec, Int -4}

Imagine wield-ID'ing this on a TrBe Newbie (which has 3 int until lvl 3 at least)

[Jabberwocky]

The dagger of greed.
The executioners axe Candelabrum.
The demon trident of Valour.
And the double sword of Doom.
I don't remember the properties of any of these, I found them too long ago.

[Grimm]

[Jabberwocky]

I found the mace of the egg once.

[MyOtheHedgeFox]

Now find the man of the Egg.

[MyOtheHedgeFox]

Yermak found
the +2,+5 sabre "Chiqenn" {holy, +Lev SInv}!

Steel anti-rubber chicken!

[Blade]

The -2 robe of Xom {rElec}

A -2 robe with a useful resist...Xom approves of this item.

[XuaXua]

Now find the man of the Egg.

Koo koo kachew.

[Grimm]

I've always heard that as "goo goo gajoob".

[PerverseSuffering]

How come no one has posted the Spear of Xom's Righteous Fury from someone's signature? Xom's righteous fury would be... furious.

[PerverseSuffering]

I found a distressingly furry golden dragon armour in a shop once. Too bad I had no money.

[PerverseSuffering]

I once saw a %Someone's% Book of Hedonism. Odd enough, its author wasn't Epicureus, neither did it contain "Conjure food, wine and women" spell...

[Jeremiah]

The cursed -5 buckler of Disaster. Can't remember it's exact stats, but it was pretty disastrous.

[spacewolf009]

the +5,+6 long sword of Joyful Slaughter {pain, rF+ Dex+2}. Especially good as i found it very early in the Dungeon

[Mankeli]

the +2 Robe of Failure {+Rage, Acc +1}. I guess failing makes you angry . Probably needs to be an epic fail though.

[spillover]

One time I found relatively good randart platemail named "Kona". Not that big of a deal to most people, except that my faithful dog as a kid growing up was named Kona. From that point on, the monsters could only hit me for sentimental damage: "The orc hits you but does no damage." Good boy.

Also, I found a cursed -4 leather armor called "the armor of fun." Xom is highly amused!

[ekolis]

Also, I found a cursed -4 leather armor called "the armor of fun." Xom is highly amused!

Must have slipped in from Dwarf Fortress...

[Zicher]

Once, down at V:8, I found a "war axe of Zicher's Demise".
I don't really know what Crawl was trying to tell me - I won the game afterwards .

[Pteriforever]

Once, down at V:8, I found a "war axe of Zicher's Demise".
I don't really know what Crawl was trying to tell me - I won the game afterwards .

Peculiar. I cchould you could only get selfnamed randarts from acquirement.

[starless]

the +8 +3 giant club of Shrieking Terror (weapon) {god gift, antimagic, rF+, rC+}
courtesy of Okawaru (one of the new times he's actually ever gifted me any useful weapon)

and following that with
the +4 +10 giant club of False Accusations {god gift, crush, Hunger+}

[Pteriforever]

Roxanne's Compendium of Mutagenic Earth.

Mutagenic Earth? Is that Jiyva's planet?

[Jeremiah]

Haralal's Grimoire of Helpful Sinister Magic.

[Pteriforever]

[BlackSheep]

That might be appropriate if found by an ogre...

[Pteriforever]

m - The Collected Works on Battle Magic and Good Luck

[spillover]

An Eveningstar of freezing named "tender mercy." Shhh, go to sleep Nikola. Here, have a love tap or six.

Also, a +3+4 rpois relec ring mail named "Oqay", found on D:5. It was pretty self-explanatory.

[Jeremiah]

  Code:

L - the cursed ring of Clitz {Dex+2 Acc+3 Dam+5 SInv}
   (You found it in Pandemonium)

[TwilightPhoenix]

The dagger of Distant Worlds (Pain, Rage)

[TwilightPhoenix]

An ominous black robe. Which turned out to be the Robe of Protective Custody (rF, Dam +3). Oka gave that to me, so I wonder what he's trying to say...

[cerebovssquire]

Just peeked in on someone else's game on CDO.

  Code:

J - the +3,+3 long sword "Mud Pie of Death" (weapon) {venom, rElec SInv}


[njvack]

  Code:

Y - the battleaxe "Shoq" (weapon) {elec, +Inv MR}


[starless]

the +4,+6 glaive "Mud Pie of Death" (weapon) {god gift, chop, MR}

[Empathaur]

This about made me piss myself. Just any volcano is fine, I guess. The creator of this artefact couldn't be arsed to recall exactly which volcano inspired its crafting. Other than that, a fine piece of armour, for those inclined to wear lighter gear.

[adozu]

yesterday i found the "dire flail of rapid death"

sure enough i got killed 5 minutes later.

[Bloax]

Ring of Xom's Flight of Fancy

What properties it might have had is lost in time, and in addition - I've seen this thing twice.
Xom names are the best of names.

[aegis]

I once found the Sabre of fragile peace who had slay orc and some other properties i dont remember.

[Sporkman]

The +7, +7 Longsword of the Extremes {Venom, rF+ rC+}

EDIT: Okay, this one gave me a laugh: The +2 Ring mail of Zin's Outrage {rC+}

I can only imagine what might get him so angry at a piece of armor...

[nicolae]

The +7, +7 Longsword of the Extremes {Venom, rF+ rC+}

EDIT: Okay, this one gave me a laugh: The +2 Ring mail of Zin's Outrage {rC+}

I can only imagine what might get him so angry at a piece of armor...

probably had a dong shape in the filigree

[Grimm]

that's the funniest thing I've read in three days

[Sporkman]

The +7, +7 Longsword of the Extremes {Venom, rF+ rC+}

EDIT: Okay, this one gave me a laugh: The +2 Ring mail of Zin's Outrage {rC+}

I can only imagine what might get him so angry at a piece of armor...

probably had a dong shape in the filigree

That would explain why it was 'distressingly furry'.

[Confidence Interval]

The +7, +7 Longsword of the Extremes {Venom, rF+ rC+}

EDIT: Okay, this one gave me a laugh: The +2 Ring mail of Zin's Outrage {rC+}

I can only imagine what might get him so angry at a piece of armor...

probably had a dong shape in the filigree

That would explain why it was 'excitingly furry'.

ftfy

[Sporkman]

The +0 Robe of Too Many Cooks {+Rage}

"THERE ARE TOO MANY COOOOKS!"

[Annonith]

  Code:

the +8, +1 bow of the Special Ghosts {frost, Dex+3}

I'm sorry for my ghosts, they are a little bit special.

[tasonir]

I found the "thorough" book of theurgy, which contained only one spell, disjunction. I really wanted controlled blink, which never spawned all game long. I wish that scribe had bothered to write down more than one spell.

[nicolae]

I found the "thorough" book of theurgy, which contained only one spell, disjunction. I really wanted controlled blink, which never spawned all game long. I wish that scribe had bothered to write down more than one spell.

The scribe decided to be thorough about Disjunction so there was only room for one spell.