The Tavern

Pakellas, god of the rod
Some crazy fuckin inventor god who uninvented itself but then reinvented itself. Followers are called to wield Pakellas's mighty rod, which Pakellas imbues with cool effects and stuff.

On joining, Pakellas welds a rod onto your hands. You can't unequip it at all ever unless you abandon Pakellas but you can still put gloves and rings on somehow. The rod is always two-handed, uses your highest weapon skill to calculate damage and delay, and does not have any special weapon properties (no riposte/reach/cleave).

Likes: killing stuff
Dislikes: inactivity
Wrath: don't care

......
Your rod is tiny: +2 enchantment and acc/basedam/delay equivalent to a falchion.

*.....
Your rod is little: +4 enchantment and acc/basedam/delay equivalent to a trident.
Passive: Pakellas will occasionally imbue your rod with a random spell^, which sticks around until the next one gets imbued.
Charge Rod:Activates your rod to fire off the spell stored inside the next couple times you hit something. Spellpower depends on invocations I guess? Costs 4 mp, 2 piety.

**....
Your rod is small: +6 enchantment and acc/basedam/delay equivalent to a scimitar.

***...
Your rod is medium: + 8 enchantment and acc/basedam/delay equivalent to a morningstar.

****..
Your rod is large: +10 enchantment and acc/basedam/delay equivalent to a glaive.
Passive: your rod gets really weird and randomly applies one of the flaming/freezing/vorpal/venom/elec/draining/protection brands on hit

*****.
Your rod is big: +12 enchantment and acc/basedam/delay equivalent to a great mace.
Supercharge:Your rod gets souped up to deal a big fat fuckload of damage, gaining cleave, riposte, reaching (I guess?), dagger tier stabbing, and a base damage multiplier that scales with invocations (2.0x basedam at max invo). Also charges your rod as per the first ability. Costs 8 mp, 6 piety.

******
Your rod is huge: +14 enchantment and acc/basedam/delay equivalent to a giant spiked club.


^The spell list depends on piety level. Early on you get garbage like sting and flame tongue but then you can get some cool normally not a spell effects like cloud cone and scattershot later. I will leave it up to you guys to make the whole list.

*presses aXYY*

That looks like a god for species with great Short Blades aptitude and bad other aptitudes i.e. Kobold. All other species will either use their normal weapon (Merfolk with its +4 Polearms) or Okawaru (Mummy with its -2 in every weapon).

I can't understand if this post was written just for the penis allusion or not.

What penis allusion?

Even monks from hell keep some amount of chastity when they make a satirical improvement suggestion. And for the love of god, this is not the worst new god proposal I've seen even though it's been made tongue tightly in cheek.

Needs a "work the shaft" ability.

Fails to work with unarmed, hard pass.

> Charge Rod:Activates your rod to fire off the spell stored inside the next couple times you hit something. Spellpower depends on invocations I guess? Costs 4 mp, 2 piety.

After firing it off, you are Exhausted and cannot charge it again for a few hours. Also, you have to apologise to the monster for only being able to hit it a couple of times before firing off.

As you collect more runes, the amount of time between activations increases. Adds a second apology line "I'm sorry I'm not a spry as I used to be."