The Tavern

so okay first of all you need a reason

the reason is always "crawles is too ezy" okay. now you have to specify a little. "crypt iz 2 ezy".

Okay so now we know where our new monster needs to appear. Now we need some tasty flavour. Thankfully history has a lot of folklore and myth you can freely steal from.
I'm still in halloween mood so we're going with the headless horseman. Now we need some kind of poem or something that doesn't really have to do anyhting with it but it will be in the game anyway.

With a hip, hip and a clippity clop
He's out looking for a top to chop
So don't stop to figure out a plan
You can't reason with a headless man
-The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad, Walt Disney 1949 (same year online servers were built.)

Okay so now first thing you gotta do is make it fast because speed 10 monsters are way too dangerous.
Then, crawl fights are over way too soon so you gotta beef him up. A lot. We want monsters that put up a fight.
Then, you have to stack annoying on-hit effects on your monster just to get people really mad.
Now, you make up a set of 6 completely new mechanics that are overpowered and unique to the monster.
Now it needs a ranged attack so it can wreck people from afar.
You want your monster to get into peoples faces and just kill them.

Which provides us with the following:

Headless Horseman (Crypt Monster)

Undead, Evil, Fighter, rF+++
HD: 25
HP: 200-250 + Arbitrary
Speed: 20 (at least, I mean you are on a horse after all)
AC: 25
EV: 10
Attacks: 50 (slow), 45 (drain), 35 (trample) Author's note: slow is for better killing, trample for better making stairs ungood.
MR: 120

Carries GOOD branded axes (to behead you) or branded demon whip (a human spine), and ofc full plate armour or better

Spells:-->flaming pumpkin Fieball (3d30+Arbitrary), Parazlyze

Specials: Behead (if you are bellow um, let's say 40% hp, any melee attack of the HH will KILL you outright), trails clouds of ghostly flames behind it for no reason (no wait we can't say "flame" because that would indicate that rF would do something
about it. Uh... ghostly spook clouds.)

Cannot cross flowing water (gotta stay true to the source material)

Any spell, attack or ability against HH has a chance to "terror" you and make you lose a turn instaed. Just to mock you!

Now for the final statement:

This a-new monster is very gud for the gaym because it increases player deaths (highest goal) and furthers the goal of making MiBe the only viable combo (design goal).

And that's how you create a new monster for crawl! After 19 years in development, hopefully, it will have been worth the weight.

Reserved for future updates.

where's the malmutate

Right, it should give Horns 1-3 as first 3 mutations, then Hooves 1-3.

2/10 forgot to make it spawn in packs.

The fork-maker might give it 2/10, but a dev?

• Monster base is not nearly obscure enough of a reference, name is too straightforward, and it doesn't propagate injokes like crabs or sprint uniques
• Unrelated quotes are an inheritance from a different era- nowadays, they're almost entirely never done by coders / devs until some contributor looking it up randomly submits it months later through Mantis
• New mechanics don't completely rely on other monsters to thus break with optimized luring tactics (others might give it points for the optimized tactic still being "never do an late optional branch like Crypt", admittedly)
• Devs are explicitly unhappy with Crypt's position and want to fuck up the dungeon structure for it instead of giving it more unique spawns, new monster priorities for the last year go to making extended or earlygame even more tiresome first and foremost
• No pro-offered, possibly-beloved mundane / equal-depth monster to cut as nonsensical compensation
• Explicit justification write-up not >250 words
• Not involving ***** or ** as an excuse for getting it in

1/27, it'll be added, trimmed of all of its mechanics and given ones other monsters have, and then removed in a single version.

Bullshit. Devs wouldn't even rate the proposal, they'd just reject it outright because OP implied that MiBe is the best combo.

What injokes? I feel outjoked.

crawl has crabs it's not hard

headless horseperson

This answer can go down the crabber for how useful it is.

I don't wanna hear about yours or anyone's "crabber"

Feeling crabby?

now I feel like, I am outside of the joke!

That's because I'm crabbling to find some jokes.

is this where I say your username

That's not true, the headless horseman is full of meme potential. Let me try:

Why did the headless horseman lose the race?



HURRRRRRRR!!!! Thanks, I'll be here all week.

It's incrabable that it's come to this.