[DCSS Waifuism] Select your spouse here.

[lethediver]

This thread is for those who wish to initiate, or formalize, a committed relationship with any of the uniques (male or female) from Dungeon Crawl: Stone Soup.

Some basic ground rules:

1) No cheating. That means no relationships with real life individuals, and no having multiple waifus. If you split up with your waifu because of life differences that's one thing, but cheating on your waifu means you are scum.

2) No fighting over waifus or claiming dibs. When you select a waifu you get to have an alternate universe version of him/her that is for YOU only.

3) Waifus must be respected. No talking smack about another player's waifu. If you encounter your waifu in the game you must not slay him/her/it, but must instead, bring gifts and visit on occassion in between collecting runes. Bonus points for kiting your waifu to the D1 stairs before ascension so you can be together in the post-game.

Ok, I will start us off by selecting my waifu:

Tiamat. Ever since Dynast described her so eloquently, as a ferocious goddess that is rarely seen and must be appreciated from afar, I knew she was the one for me. Her cloak and its ephemeral colors have captivated my eye, just as she has done for my heart. I will defend her from the perils of Zot with my last (draconian) breath.

Now it's your turn!

------------------

PS: If you choose Duvessa please capitalize the D to distinguish her from forum duvessa. Because, that would be creepy.

[Shard1697]

I wanna fuck dissolution in his big weird dissolved mournful acid face

[Arrhythmia]

I AM CHOOSING TIAMAT BEFORE DYNAST CAN, HA HA!

[Malevolent]

Erolcha. I simply cannot resist such a big beautiful woman. She could give me a big warm hug and we'd roll around in the mud, or however it is that ogres do romance.

[BabyRage]

Natasha, because a cat is fine too.

[dynast]

If i choose Jiyva can i fuck TRJ? We would have many, many children.

[gammafunk]

I choose Sif Muna.

[dynast]

Silly gamma, tiamat was already picked by the OP, at least pay attention if you gonna edit comments.

[Arrhythmia]

I choose Sif Muna.

no....no!!!

[Rast]

[gammafunk]

Silly Dynast, rule no. 2 already picked by the OP allows multiple people to select the same waifu, at least pay attention if you gonna shit post.

[dynast]

There is just no winning with you.

[PleasingFungus]

yeah, he's more about quitting

[Shtopit]

Found those cookies which fell behind the cupboard when you were five?

[Dungeoneer]

yall mofuckas need jesus

[Sar]

well said!

[gammafunk]

let me tell you about winning.

  Code:

!lg devteam recent won s=name
<Sequell> 174 games for devteamnp (recent won): 39x Lasty, 30x gammafunk, 30x elliptic, 24x Medar, 15x amalloy, 10x dpeg, 10x MarvinPA, 6x doy, 3x reaver, 2x
PleasingFungus, 2x wheals, ontoclasm, Keskitalo, SGrunt


Trivia: The devs who have fewer than 5 wins in recent versions are referred to colloquially as "Studio SA".

[TonberryJam]

I'm only interested in the water nymphs. All, of the water nymphs. I rest my case.

[Cheibrodos]

A chill goes down my spine as I descend the staircase to the second level of the magical swamp whose entrance I spotted tucked behind a thicket in the Lair of Beasts. Around me formless shadows rippled in the many shallow pools, but besides the faint rustle of leaves and the chirp of insects, the mire was silent. I took the moment of respite to lean my back against a gnarled mangrove and bandage my thigh from an earlier confrontation. A toad the size of a goat and bristling with wicked spines had bounded towards me, perhaps fancying me as its next meal. With my quarterstaff I walloped the creature alongside the jaw sending it scattering towards the brush, but not before it had gouged me with one of its spikes. It quickly recovered from its daze, but fortunately I had found a grate leading to this enchanted bog, which I closed behind me. Knowing that horror was waiting for me on the other side, I went in search of another way out. However, my search only brought me deeper into the maze of vines.

"Let me hum you a lullaby."

Unstrapping the padded leather coat that protected me and placing it in a heap beside me, I glanced down at the wound. With a bandage I probably wouldn't bleed to death, but I had lost enough blood now to start feeling dizzy. All the more reason to find a way out of this place before another giant toad or its ilk came across me. I tried to muster the strength to lift my body from the wet grass, but the soft sucking and gurgling of the swamp and the droning sounds of the insects made my eyelids droop and my legs feel as if they were made of crystal plate.

"Everyone has to sleep sometimes."

My armor still lay stacked on a somewhat dry patch of undergrowth, but I braced my staff across my chest, feeling its heft through the thin wool tunic draped over me. I hadn't rested since I wandered into that grove, shining with impossible sunlight and dotted with stone slabs, each carved into quizzical shapes and neatly arranged in the soft grass. It would be nice to take a breather. I felt again that golden warmth, but through cracked eyelids I saw my skin go white, and felt goosebumps along my arms. Straining now to keep my eyes open, I see between the verdant greens a flash of red, bobbing side to side as it grew in size.

"Sweet dreams."

Vision blurred, the red is now only outlined faintly in green. A warm hand, was it a hand, curled around the fingers that gripped my staff and loosened them, taking the burden into its own. For a moment my arms protested, but my hold slipped and exposed my defenseless body. The warmth washed over me and the buzzing of the insects drifted away. As I let my heavy eyelids close, I saw only red.

---

"Golly, it sure is handy you knew that sleeping spell to knock me unconscious while you treated my leg!" I said cheerily from my small bed made of dried grass in a hut made of the same.

"Spiny Toad venom is nothing to mess around with," Aizul chided, as she stirred the cauldron full of soup that was warming in the fire at the center of the hut with her muscular tail. "You're lucky I quit my job and found you while I was going for a stroll!"

"Hey do you mind if I stick around for a while?" I said sheepishly.

"Not at all! I could use the company. The only folk to talk to around here are... quite peculiar. Little green men that chant and dance in the muck."

I sipped on my soup and lived happily ever after with the red snake lady.

---

I hereby declare aizul as my crawl waifu

[Shard1697]

isn't Aizul's whole thing that she wants to murder everyone who comes to the dungeon looking for treasure because she was disgraced by not protecting her treasure vault

[Arrhythmia]

Lamia slithered out of her barding gratefully, the cool rock of the Pits' walls soothing her sore muscles. How many orbs to kill a minotaur, these days? The Greater Naga Council had given her a respite from directing the clean-up, and in her private chambers below the Hall of the Caduceus she had dismissed the salamanders minding the coals under the stone floors. Now she could rest. Her armour followed, her venomous glaive already propped in the corner.

She had already drifted off to the cold damp sounds of the Pits rising above her when a flash of violet light on her eyelids brought her back to full awareness. She held her hands out, the pale swirling energy already gathering within its magical envelope.

"You wouldn't destroy your favorite pupil, would you my Queen?" said a voice Lamia hadn't heard in years. Its owner glided in accompanied by a puff of purple smoke, and Lamia let the energy dissipate with a fond grin. Vashnia had returned.

But who was this dangerous looking nagess? Lamia remembered guiding her to the lowest levels of the Dungeon, conducting the necessary transactions to reach Abyssal gateways safely, packing the meat rations and scrolls she would need to find her way through that confusing plane. That Vashnia had worn the gilded barding of her mothers, had kept her gorgeous hair up twisted around a wand of haste, a wand she had zapped at her mentor to goad her. At her lover to spur her to greater heights.

Lamia reached out her hand to brush Vashnia's cheek. Above the young warrior's eyes, a bandana held back wild tangles; below the smug smile, a snug dress made of some unidentifiable Abyssal creature's scales hugged her bosom. Lamia's hand wandered. "Your queen--"

"Lamia--"

The Queen of the Naga's hand found a fistful of hair. Lamia pulled Vashnia to her, drew her into a kiss, her body snaking around her subject's. "We do not intend," Lamia said against Vashnia's lips, "to listen to long tales of Abyssal training, of translocative lessons learned--"

"Lamia, list--"

"Of lessons learned by young marksnaga who should've been home--" Lamia felt a jolt in her stomach and gasped. She pulled back, her hands both falling away from Vashnia's neck to the crossbow in her pupil's hands, her lover's hands, her killer's.

"Lamia," Vashnia said, coiling herself around Lamia's back even as she fit another arrow against the crossbow's string. "As usual, too in a hurry to listen." Lamia coughed and Vashnia smiled at the spray of blood; her bandana's dye required constant attention. "Too in a hurry to notice your own dethroning."

Lamia could only take a halting breath in response. "Trog's Teat--" she managed.

"I did learn lessons, Lamia." The door to Lamia's chambers opened wider, a squad of marksnagas looking around the door. "Lessons at the hands of the ancient liches that built these halls. Do you know what they whispered in those dusty voices worn down by the ages?"

Lamia found herself searching Vashnia's hair, feeling for the wand that could save her, but she could hardly see the faces of the marksnagas gathering about her, couldn't feel their arrows sinking into her chest. That other Vashnia, such a pretty naga. With the bright knob of that quick wand flashing above her head.

The ruler's body slumped to the ground. Vashnia dropped her crossbow to adjust a strand of the golden hair framing her old lover's face. "The queen is dead," she said, moving the hair about. "Long live the queen."

[Arrhythmia]

i'm choosing the lesbian snake ladies

[Cheibrodos]

i'm choosing the lesbian snake ladies

good choice

[Hellmonk]

A chill goes down my spine as I descend the staircase to the second level of the magical swamp whose entrance I spotted tucked behind a thicket in the Lair of Beasts. Around me formless shadows rippled in the many shallow pools, but besides the faint rustle of leaves and the chirp of insects, the mire was silent. I took the moment of respite to lean my back against a gnarled mangrove and bandage my thigh from an earlier confrontation. A toad the size of a goat and bristling with wicked spines had bounded towards me, perhaps fancying me as its next meal. With my quarterstaff I walloped the creature alongside the jaw sending it scattering towards the brush, but not before it had gouged me with one of its spikes. It quickly recovered from its daze, but fortunately I had found a grate leading to this enchanted bog, which I closed behind me. Knowing that horror was waiting for me on the other side, I went in search of another way out. However, my search only brought me deeper into the maze of vines.

"Let me hum you a lullaby."

Unstrapping the padded leather coat that protected me and placing it in a heap beside me, I glanced down at the wound. With a bandage I probably wouldn't bleed to death, but I had lost enough blood now to start feeling dizzy. All the more reason to find a way out of this place before another giant toad or its ilk came across me. I tried to muster the strength to lift my body from the wet grass, but the soft sucking and gurgling of the swamp and the droning sounds of the insects made my eyelids droop and my legs feel as if they were made of crystal plate.

"Everyone has to sleep sometimes."

My armor still lay stacked on a somewhat dry patch of undergrowth, but I braced my staff across my chest, feeling its heft through the thin wool tunic draped over me. I hadn't rested since I wandered into that grove, shining with impossible sunlight and dotted with stone slabs, each carved into quizzical shapes and neatly arranged in the soft grass. It would be nice to take a breather. I felt again that golden warmth, but through cracked eyelids I saw my skin go white, and felt goosebumps along my arms. Straining now to keep my eyes open, I see between the verdant greens a flash of red, bobbing side to side as it grew in size.

"Sweet dreams."

Vision blurred, the red is now only outlined faintly in green. A warm hand, was it a hand, curled around the fingers that gripped my staff and loosened them, taking the burden into its own. For a moment my arms protested, but my hold slipped and exposed my defenseless body. The warmth washed over me and the buzzing of the insects drifted away. As I let my heavy eyelids close, I saw only red.

---

"Golly, it sure is handy you knew that sleeping spell to knock me unconscious while you treated my leg!" I said cheerily from my small bed made of dried grass in a hut made of the same.

"Spiny Toad venom is nothing to mess around with," Aizul chided, as she stirred the cauldron full of soup that was warming in the fire at the center of the hut with her muscular tail. "You're lucky I quit my job and found you while I was going for a stroll!"

"Hey do you mind if I stick around for a while?" I said sheepishly.

"Not at all! I could use the company. The only folk to talk to around here are... quite peculiar. Little green men that chant and dance in the muck."

I sipped on my soup and lived happily ever after with the red snake lady.

---

I hereby declare aizul as my crawl waifu

Same.

[Cheibrodos]

isn't Aizul's whole thing that she wants to murder everyone who comes to the dungeon looking for treasure because she was disgraced by not protecting her treasure vault

3) Waifus must be respected. No talking smack about another player's waifu.

HELLO DID YOU EVEN READ THE RULES

Dont talk to her that way THIS IS A WAIFU THREAD

GET OUT

[gammafunk]

Second waifu is Eresh.

<PleasingFungus> gammafunk: give me some lore for why doom hounds can only howl once
<gammafunk> alright, so the scene begins with Eresh smoking a cigarette, sitting at her kitchen table, which is made of bones and skulls. Her starcursed hair is twinkling, but frizzled and unkempt, and she's staring blankly out into space in between drags. A doom hound is heard howling in the distant background.
<gammafunk> You hear roaring flames and creaking as Asmodeus comes lumbering down the stairs, dressed only in an old tshirt and briefs. He sees Ereshkigal and nods in the direction of the howling, "Eresh, I thought I told you to shut them damn hounds up!"

[Cheibrodos]

Second waifu is Eresh.

<PleasingFungus> gammafunk: give me some lore for why doom hounds can only howl once
<gammafunk> alright, so the scene begins with Eresh smoking a cigarette, sitting at her kitchen table, which is made of bones and skulls. Her starcursed hair is twinkling, but frizzled and unkempt, and she's staring blankly out into space in between drags. A doom hound is heard howling in the distant background.
<gammafunk> You hear roaring flames and creaking as Asmodeus comes lumbering down the stairs, dressed only in an old tshirt and briefs. He sees Ereshkigal and nods in the direction of the howling, "Eresh, I thought I told you to shut them damn hounds up!"

So in this scenario are you self-inserting as Asmodeus or being cucked by him in a 3-way situation? Just curious.

[Shard1697]

isn't Aizul's whole thing that she wants to murder everyone who comes to the dungeon looking for treasure because she was disgraced by not protecting her treasure vault

3) Waifus must be respected. No talking smack about another player's waifu.

HELLO DID YOU EVEN READ THE RULES

Dont talk to her that way THIS IS A WAIFU THREAD

GET OUT

I wasn't talking smack about her, I was talking smack about your OoC fanfic

[Cheibrodos]

isn't Aizul's whole thing that she wants to murder everyone who comes to the dungeon looking for treasure because she was disgraced by not protecting her treasure vault

3) Waifus must be respected. No talking smack about another player's waifu.

HELLO DID YOU EVEN READ THE RULES

Dont talk to her that way THIS IS A WAIFU THREAD

GET OUT

I wasn't talking smack about her, I was talking smack about your OoC fanfic

Don't talk to me or my waifu ever again.

[duvessa]

one time i had a dream that i went to a club for people with tulpas, and it was just people sitting in a circle talking about their tulpas for a few hours. it was an uncomfortable experience

[Sar]

should've brought your tulpa with you too

[Rast]

one time i had a dream that i went to a club for people with tulpas, and it was just people sitting in a circle talking about their tulpas for a few hours. it was an uncomfortable experience

Are you sure it was a dream?

[BabyRage]

A chill goes down my spine as I descend the staircase to the second level of the magical swamp whose entrance I spotted tucked behind a thicket in the Lair of Beasts. Around me formless shadows rippled in the many shallow pools, but besides the faint rustle of leaves and the chirp of insects, the mire was silent. I took the moment of respite to lean my back against a gnarled mangrove and bandage my thigh from an earlier confrontation. A toad the size of a goat and bristling with wicked spines had bounded towards me, perhaps fancying me as its next meal. With my quarterstaff I walloped the creature alongside the jaw sending it scattering towards the brush, but not before it had gouged me with one of its spikes. It quickly recovered from its daze, but fortunately I had found a grate leading to this enchanted bog, which I closed behind me. Knowing that horror was waiting for me on the other side, I went in search of another way out. However, my search only brought me deeper into the maze of vines.

"Let me hum you a lullaby."

Unstrapping the padded leather coat that protected me and placing it in a heap beside me, I glanced down at the wound. With a bandage I probably wouldn't bleed to death, but I had lost enough blood now to start feeling dizzy. All the more reason to find a way out of this place before another giant toad or its ilk came across me. I tried to muster the strength to lift my body from the wet grass, but the soft sucking and gurgling of the swamp and the droning sounds of the insects made my eyelids droop and my legs feel as if they were made of crystal plate.

"Everyone has to sleep sometimes."

My armor still lay stacked on a somewhat dry patch of undergrowth, but I braced my staff across my chest, feeling its heft through the thin wool tunic draped over me. I hadn't rested since I wandered into that grove, shining with impossible sunlight and dotted with stone slabs, each carved into quizzical shapes and neatly arranged in the soft grass. It would be nice to take a breather. I felt again that golden warmth, but through cracked eyelids I saw my skin go white, and felt goosebumps along my arms. Straining now to keep my eyes open, I see between the verdant greens a flash of red, bobbing side to side as it grew in size.

"Sweet dreams."

Vision blurred, the red is now only outlined faintly in green. A warm hand, was it a hand, curled around the fingers that gripped my staff and loosened them, taking the burden into its own. For a moment my arms protested, but my hold slipped and exposed my defenseless body. The warmth washed over me and the buzzing of the insects drifted away. As I let my heavy eyelids close, I saw only red.

---

"Golly, it sure is handy you knew that sleeping spell to knock me unconscious while you treated my leg!" I said cheerily from my small bed made of dried grass in a hut made of the same.

"Spiny Toad venom is nothing to mess around with," Aizul chided, as she stirred the cauldron full of soup that was warming in the fire at the center of the hut with her muscular tail. "You're lucky I quit my job and found you while I was going for a stroll!"

"Hey do you mind if I stick around for a while?" I said sheepishly.

"Not at all! I could use the company. The only folk to talk to around here are... quite peculiar. Little green men that chant and dance in the muck."

I sipped on my soup and lived happily ever after with the red snake lady.

---

I hereby declare aizul as my crawl waifu

That's amazing.