The Tavern

Anyone else write any? It's chunks-o-fun!

So far I've writ DCSS songs about a few 15-rune winners and some really convoluted stupid deaths. Haven't recorded anything because I can't decide which dumb voice(s) to sing in. But here's one about Jim Jiminion Jimenji, an Octopode Fire Elementalist of Gozag from 0.17.


"HAIL JIM"
I'm an honorable octopode o' Gozag
Ancient scroll-readin', potion quaffin' throwback
Identifying enough junk to get to know Jack
Fifteen Zot keys beside an octopode bozack

I'm just a mutant warrior, evoke from my hip
When you're lone, I'll getcha guts in a monkey grip
Don't need armour skill to curl, weave, or windmill
I'm betentacled and brash, talkin' my pinnacle pimp trash:
ABANDON ALL OCTO-HOPE
GET NERVE AT THE END OF YOUR OCTO-ROPE
SET THEE STRAIGHT, COMPROMISE, OCTO-COPE
YOU SURE DID THINK LIKE AN OCTO-DOPE

Dungeon misfits, I bring obscene tactics
Yes, enemies, you shall receive thwhackedness
I'm gonna cheerfully chop bad acts down
Make crooks keel like a clobberin' clown
These tentacles get paid to run them right around

[a solo section, then the anthemic bit:]

Hail, Jim Jiminion Jimenji, who feasts for a bargain on salt he rubbed into me
He picked up some hellaciously good bribes
He's downstair, robbing each and every mob of its legal rights

Hail, Jim Jiminion Jimenji, who made his amends with every single injury
He peddles the merry, proffers the mean
He's one blinged-up, bitchin', unwell-wishin', devilfishy fiend

Roses are red,
violets are blue,
a felid is dead

Welcome back to level 2.

Zin bless you please, Mrs Demonspawn
Pandy holds a place for those who pray
hey hey hey

Hunted by a Daeva on a sunny afternoon
Trying your best to be a sneak
Run about it, shout around it - mutation by Neqoxec!
Either way you look at it, you lose.

Crawling with my djinns
These heal wounds they will not heal
Fear is how I play
Confusing what is real

Wild Trog
Wild Trog

Damn it feels good to be a panlord
A real demon-ass panlord guards his runes right
A real demon-ass panlord always guards the portal out
'Cause real demon-ass panlords don't start fights
And panlords always gotta super spell
Showin' all his demons how he cast
But real demon-ass panlords don't flex much
'Cause real demon-ass panlords know they very fast
And everything's cool in the mind of a panlord
'Cause demon-ass panlords think deep
Up two-hundred million turns all 'em straight through
'Cause real demon-ass panlords don't sleep

And all I gotta say to you
Wannabe, gonnabe, orbsuckin', ration-eatin' newbies
'Cause when Cerebov comes what the fuck you gonna do
Damn it feels good to be a panlord

GNAWED BY DEATH COBS
BLASTED BY ORC PRIESTS
SCYTHED BY SIGMUNDS
FROZEN BY ICE BEASTS
BLACK MAMBA POISON AIN'T STOPPIN'
TE-LE-POR-TED
INTO YOUR COF-FIN
A being of your status worships no god. Sorry, you're not good enough to have a special ability.

maybe Im drunk a bit
but this chick (deep dwarf)
has the stick

Got my two runes, playing overpowered mage. (I'm on fire!)
Wait a second, this new enemy is strange. (Doesn't look dire.)

Shoot my fireballs! Why is it resisting?
Use my bolts of cold! This isn't working either...
Time to teleport! Cause i'm out of mana.
Ouch, that really hurt! Here's my scoreboard...

Fun and interactive! Caustic shrikes are not OP,
They are fun and interactive! Looks balanced enough to me.
This is fun and interactive! Caustic shrikes are not unfair
They are fun and interactive! Too easy to kill, just put them in Lair.

Keep 'em comin', and soon enough we'll be skalds!

Here's a jingle about a felid who only wanted to be able to wear cloaks, or at least a smaller version like a kitty blanket, y'know, whatever looks derpiest, but then he tripped over a cobble and accidentally murdered everyone in every Dungeon branch (except Elf, Elf blows):


"FOURLEGGED CYRANO" (The Intangible: 15r FeCK of Xom)

THE ETTIN SHOUTED IN STEREO:
"How'd we all get so darn plundered and dead?
I swear I saw nothing quivered, heard naught but echoplex in my head,
But I know he's near, appor-takin' our beer jerkies and potions of bacon,
Flying off with our peerless riches, gettin' awful big for his felid britches!
Our blood adorns wall and floor! Our bones are fit to be friends in the morgue!"

Holy Cyrano, please calm down
You'd see red if you could see what's on my screen right now
You've been wielding wands with furry little feetses, rumbling the poor Dungeon to pieces

Last of my old tunes here. Mr. Sniffles, Hill Orc Necromancer of Trog [***...], was the sole surviving member of Blork's borked orc corpse corps.

"MR. SNIFFLES"

Pass the time to get me started
The fortune finds it some charm
Takes no disciple to discover
RNG is going on

I've enjoyed thee, my peers
Dungeon denizens with pointed ears
You know you'll die
And in undeath become things of play
The non-deceased you'll stay
Run top speed toward the escape
Mister Sniffles digs your grave

And Death will scream 'foul' four ways when Sniff uninscribes your place
And Sniff will bleed out your veins and raise a retard from your remains

You touched my staffalà
My Majin-Bo

Any of y'all have a really cool character that wants a song? My recording setup sucks right now (have good gear, but little space), but I'm game to write 'em!
Maybe I'll do a reinterpretation of Bathory's "For All Those Who Died" which is about mountain dwarves and sludge elves.

remove food
remove food
remove food remove food remove food
remove food

Rage on, you crazy diamond.

Carry on, wayward dwarf.

"THE FLAYED GHOST"

I'm evil, dark and scary mean, I'll eat your bones for lunch
You'd be scared out of your wits if you couldn't kill me with one punch
So let me show you how I feel... suffer as I SUFFER
We can draw with crayons and then take a nap, mother FUCKERRRRRRRRRR

i'm hearing this to the tune of the Chappelle's Show theme

Geto boys fuck yeah.

The Trees are Alive
And They Want to Spank Me