The Tavern

last night i dreamt that gammafunk banned me from the tavern. his final message to me was both smug, yet regretful.

a couple nights ago i dreamt that someone found a way to reverse SHA-256 hashes and used it to get my tavern password and log in as me and post "SHA-256 HACKED"

which is odd because i'm pretty sure phpbb doesn't use SHA-256

minmay had a better dream on saturday night, in which he kissed me. he distinctly remembers my hair brushing against his cheeks

boy howdy another one of these threads, let me lean back on the couch and regale ye

I was back in marching band (I did a lot of marching band in high school and college what a DORK) only we were marching at a parade in a third world country of indefinite location, as some sort of benefit for the locals, because my subconscious white guilt can only be assuaged through the judicious application of synchronized walking and tuba playing. Before the big event I visited a nearby village and talked to several dream-villagers about the local political instability, which they assured me was mostly under control. Anyway somehow there was a big stadium area where we went to march and as we lined up in parade block gunshots rang out and locals around me fell to the ground. Then a bunch of men in masks went down the block and drew red marks on people's foreheads, and of course, the person before me was marked and the person after me, but I was not. Then they got on a megaphone and explained that they were going to kill all of us, but the people who were marked were righteous enough to pass on peacefully to the afterlife, which really shocked me because I thought only those people would die. Anyway before anyone was executed I woke up but I had sleep paralysis

does anyone else think that Paralysation 2 looks like Playstation 2

I dreamt I saw the Orb of Zot on a bookshelf in someone's house. I was going to grab it and get out, but then I saw there were lots of tiny OOFs and ancient liches on the shelf next to it. I was crouched at the bottom of the shelves trying to figure out a way of getting the orb while spending as little time as possible in LOS of the monsters.

pubby wrote:does anyone else think that Paralysation 2 looks like Playstation 2

I legit thought it was supposed to be a pun on it.

I had another Crawl dream recently - I somehow got into the Abyss and had to escape from it, but I was experiencing the whole thing from a first person perspective and it was kind of like Minecraft, even my surroundings kinda resembled the Nether. There were lots of arched portals around but I couldn't get to a lot of them, and one of them actually exploded when I touched it. There weren't many monsters around, though, and my surroundings mostly just got more and more bizarre as time went on.

Malevolent wrote:one of them actually exploded when I touched it

this should be a feature

I had a dream last night about this little kid who looked a lot like the kid from Cory in the House, and he was talking about video games and books and then he started talking about his favorite magazine which was Brendan Hickey's magazine, but he kept pronouncing the name wrong and then I woke up. ok

I don't remember any of my dreams

I never sleep. Sometimes I walk for indefinite stretches of time in the aisles of balloons but no one ever speaks to me even when I present them with a fresh pair of shoes they just wag their fishy jaws and direct me to the nearest mortician.

ZipZipskins wrote:I had sleep paralysis

tell that to the child made of shadow standing in the door

haha... totally bro

Cheibrodos wrote:I don't remember any of my dreams

It really pisses me off when people say that they "don't dream" rather than they don't remember their dreams, because then I have to do some mental calculations to walk the tightrope of letting them stew in their stupid juices and being an insufferable pedant.

Arrhythmia wrote:walk the tightrope of letting them stew in their stupid juices and being an insufferable pedant.

the knife's edge you walk must be awfully tiring, arrhy, but it's very brave of you.

archaeo wrote:
Arrhythmia wrote:walk the tightrope of letting them stew in their stupid juices and being an insufferable pedant.

the knife's edge you walk must be awfully tiring, arrhy, but it's very brave of you.

don't think of me as a hero, just a man who's doing what's right

i had a dream recently that i had to experience someone else's dreams. the first dream i had to experience was a nightmare. i was placed in a room with a toilet, and i had to stand on the toilet. then the toilet turned into a monster with a giant mouth and swallowed me. like a toilet mimic. which is probably just about the worst kind of mimic to be, come to think of it.

duvessa wrote:toilet mimic. which is probably just about the worst kind of mimic to be, come to think of it.

You get people desperate for a poop, when was the last time you check for mimics while desperate for the toilet.
Although toilet mimics eat people full of crap, maybe sink or dyson air blade mimic is better.

This morning I dreamt a labrador was running down in hill, through thick snow.

Its wangy and goolies were cold.

I just took a nap and for some reason when i take naps is when i dream the most. In my dream i was back at the military, except it was not the military but the school i studied when i was a kid and my squad was on the soccer field, but they werent playing soccer, they were playing some shitty competitive video-game and they were awful at it, so was i, so i had to spend most of my time watching them play.

I had a dream last night where I woke up and walked into the kitchen to find an oversized box of Golden Graham cereal on the counter. I was mildly annoyed in the dream because I was not in the mood for that type of cereal at that time.

i had a nightmare last night where i was living in an apartment complex, i accidentally made my shower overflow and flood my apartment, then i went downstairs and i had to solve a puzzle with a vending machine and some cards, but there was a monster chasing after me that looked sort of like a deku scrub from zelda, but with a ring of spinning buzzsaws attached to it, and i had to solve the puzzle to get it to go away, but if it touched me it instantly killed me, so i had to spend like 2 seconds messing with the vending machine then run away from the monster then circle around and spend another 2 seconds messing with the vending machine etc. it was terrible. also lili zanotto from psychonauts was there for some reason

How did you find out that it instantly killed you if it touched you?

Also, you have a vending machine in your apartment?

prozacelf wrote:How did you find out that it instantly killed you if it touched you?

i kept screwing up and letting it touch me and kill me. i reloaded my save like 20 times

prozacelf wrote:Also, you have a vending machine in your apartment?

no, it was in the lobby. the shower overflowing took place in the apartment, the rest of the stuff took place elsewhere. it would be pretty weird to have a 10 year old girl in my apartment

I just want to know what the vending machine was selling.

I had a dream a couple nights ago that I was transported back to the middle ages, somehow, and Duvessa was also transported back to the middle ages in the same manner and to a location near me. At first, I panicked, because I knew there would be no toilets or toilet paper or bidets or evidence-based medicine, and considered just killing myself. But then I somehow figured out that I had the power to use real life's debug console, and from there I could remove my need to perform bodily functions, as well as change the timescale value. I also discovered that you could override the timescale for individual people. So I set the global timescale to 0, and Duvessa's and mine to 1. Note that Duvessa already doesn't have to poop etc. because she is an elf. Anyway, I changed the timescale this way so that Duvessa and I could do whatever we wanted without worrying about other people or insects or whatever interfering. For the rest of the dream, we just held hands and walked around enjoying the scenery, since humans hadn't destroyed quite as much of the planet as they have today. We also skipped rocks over a lake.
Then I woke up into a different dream, which sucked. I was back in school in this dream, and as usual, had trouble getting to classes because of my illness. But I did hang around in the gender equity center for a while, and there were people doing a live action reenactment of Undertale, which sounds lame, I'm sure, but it was actually amazing because they were somehow perfect actors with perfect costumes.

I had a dream that I went to a Miley Cyrus concert and sat next to Donald Trump(he had his family with him, I just happened to be sitting right by him). When the concert was about to start, Miley's sister came out in cowboy boots and a cowboy hat and started singing, I don't know if she actually has a sister but she did in the Hannah Montana disney channel series. She looks like the blond detectives sister from law and order.

The whole stadium started booing her because she sounded terrible, and I could hear Donald Trump saying "This is terrible, she's got a dying career etc." and basically doing his whole trash talkin' new yorker shtick that he does from time to time. Everybody started walking out, and I ended up walking out into an empty hallway where this chubby black kid I knew in highschool stood shirtless and started covering himself in blue dish soap. After administering the soap, he took a running start and then leaped forward and started sliding along the floor all the way down a really long hallway(it looked kind of like the elementary school I went, now that I think about it).

Not only was he sliding, but it sounded like he was somehow able to make a fool u-turn while in perpetual motion still sliding across the floor which is then completely covered in blue dish soap. Around this point I woke up.

I don't normally remember my dreams, but this one was so weird that I can't seem to forget it, it happened either last night or the night before, I can't remember which.

I started a job at a factory a couple days ago, and this morning I had a dream that Blork was looking over my shoulder trying to write me up for a safety violation. So now I will think of him as "Blork the Safety Orc".

prozacelf wrote:I started a job at a factory a couple days ago, and this morning I had a dream that Blork was looking over my shoulder trying to write me up for a safety violation. So now I will think of him as "Blork the Safety Orc".

jim

jim I'm gonna need you to keep your hand away from the belt jim, while the belt is in operation, your hand needs to be at least six to eight inches away

you know you can't afford to be written up for this stuff anymore, jim

I'm clicking out my ballpoint pen now jim

duvessa wrote:if it touched me it instantly killed me, so i had to spend like 2 seconds messing with the vending machine then run away from the monster then circle around and spend another 2 seconds messing with the vending machine etc

This is why speed 11 monsters should be the norm

I had a dream last night that I met with president Obama and watched an episode of a hentai with him for some reason in what appeared to be the office from dead rising.

he was also wearing a weird loose shirt and he looked feminine and thin as a stick almost like he was malnourished. After we watched it, he hugged me and did that girly leg lift thing which was probably one of the gayest things I've ever imagined in a dream. then left.

^ that's you trying to process your conversation with the devs last night

HardboiledGargoyle wrote:^ that's you trying to process your conversation with the devs last night

What conversation?

what's a girly leg lift thing

PleasingFungus wrote:what's a girly leg lift thing

bruh that's a pose not a lift, breh, ten protein shakes sez those stick calves couldn't curl a kilo of helium

bro

PleasingFungus wrote:what's a girly leg lift thing

have you really never seen the princess diaraies?

*scoffs*

one time i hugged a girl i had a crush on and then i stepped on her foot

duvessa wrote:one time i hugged a girl i had a crush on and then i stepped on her foot

i've never touched a woman. goodbye!

Wait, earlier you were saying you were asexual.

i am! i can still really like someone and want to cuddle with them. but sex kind of grosses me out, i have never wanted to have sex with anyone, and i find orgasms unpleasant. so i think it's pretty fair to say i'm asexual

Arrhythmia wrote:i've never touched a woman. goodbye!

you know, i think our society would be a lot better if everyone remembered that a vagina was one of the first things they touched in their life, and there's no reason to teach kids to be afraid of them

duvessa wrote:i am! i can still really like someone and want to cuddle with them. but sex kind of grosses me out, i have never wanted to have sex with anyone, and i find orgasms unpleasant. so i think it's pretty fair to say i'm asexual

Arrhythmia wrote:i've never touched a woman. goodbye!
you know, i think our society would be a lot better if everyone remembered that a vagina was one of the first things they touched in their life, and there's no reason to teach kids to be afraid of them

lmao that you assume that i have never touched a woman because i am afraid of them, and not because i am a repelling disgust

no i know you are a repelling disgust. i just wanted to point out that you were touching a woman pretty much constantly until you were born

When most people talk about never touching a women they meant one they feel or could feel a sexual attraction towards. Most people also don't feel sexually attracted towards their mothers!

Sar wrote:When most people talk about never touching a women they meant one they feel or could feel a sexual attraction towards. Most people also don't feel sexually attracted towards their mothers!

ye but I was talking to arrhythmia

I've locked this thread because reading all this is just god-awful, no real reason otherwise. You should all just go read the news or something, get caught up on current events.

gammafunk wrote:I've locked this thread because reading all this is just god-awful, no real reason otherwise. You should all just go read the news or something, get caught up on current events.

never

On the topic of girls and crushes, I once had to take a shit while over at my crushes house only realize after it was too late that there was no toilet paper anywhere in the bathroom. No tissues or paper towels either. Not even any dirty towels either, they had a really clean bathroom, nothing but nice decorative towels that would be noticed if they were missing, not to mention no place to put it after I was done.

It was horrible, I ended up using the carboard inside TP rolls that had been thrown away, and a lot of them too because. It was like MacGyver all up in that bitch.

Tiktacy wrote:I ended up using the carboard inside TP rolls that had been thrown away

that is disgusting

you can just wipe your ass with your hands and the smell won't stick if you soap up first, or you can use your underpants and throw them away since they're a few bucks at most.

HardboiledGargoyle wrote:
Tiktacy wrote:I ended up using the carboard inside TP rolls that had been thrown away

that is disgusting

you can just wipe your ass with your hands and the smell won't stick if you soap up first, or you can use your underpants and throw them away since they're a few bucks at most.

The rolls weren't in the trash, just kind of thrown into a basket in the cabinet, I guess they save them up and recycle them? Not really sure what the story behind that is, I never asked.

What did you do with the soiled cardboard after?

The Tavern

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