dreams

[Arrhythmia]

What did you do with the soiled cardboard after?

oh, just put them back, why do you ask?

[duvessa]

On the topic of girls and crushes, I once had to take a shit while over at my crushes house only realize after it was too late that there was no toilet paper anywhere in the bathroom. No tissues or paper towels either. Not even any dirty towels either, they had a really clean bathroom, nothing but nice decorative towels that would be noticed if they were missing, not to mention no place to put it after I was done.

this sounds like the beginning to a 4chan story that ends in "tree fiddy" or "read the first letter of each line"

[Tiktacy]

I flushed it down the toilet after folding it up to prevent it from clogging up the drains(in hindsight this was probably a bad idea).

[duvessa]

okay i'm gonna let you in on a little secret

if you're in someone's house and you're taking a dump and there's no toilet paper

you can shout "there's no toilet paper in here" and they will bring you some toilet paper

what, you're afraid they're going to find out that you're having a poo in the toilet? bruh you asked to use the bathroom and you've been in the bathroom for more than 1 minute, they already know you're dropping doubloons in the toilet. that is actually one of the main purposes of a toilet: to be pooped in. so swallow your pride in your pointless attempt to hide your bodily functions, and ask for the damn toilet paper instead of wiping with your sock, wiping with your underwear, using the sink as a bidet, or getting shit all over your hand like you're a peasant in the fucking middle ages

[Hands]

I had a similar experience, but when I called out it turned out there was no toilet tissue, or apparently any other kind of tissue, in the house (I know right?). My solution at the time was to wipe myself on the seat as much as I could while getting up. Fortunately I was 7 years old so this was not the social faux pas it would become in later years.

[Tiktacy]

okay i'm gonna let you in on a little secret

if you're in someone's house and you're taking a dump and there's no toilet paper

you can shout "there's no toilet paper in here" and they will bring you some toilet paper

what, you're afraid they're going to find out that you're having a poo in the toilet? bruh you asked to use the bathroom and you've been in the bathroom for more than 1 minute, they already know you're dropping doubloons in the toilet. that is actually one of the main purposes of a toilet: to be pooped in. so swallow your pride in your pointless attempt to hide your bodily functions, and ask for the damn toilet paper instead of wiping with your sock, wiping with your underwear, using the sink as a bidet, or getting shit all over your hand like you're a peasant in the fucking middle ages

I had strongly considered that until realizing the cardboard was an option, doing that would not have helped my ground game with someone as fickle as her. I shamelessly blame it on being a wee lad of but 15 years old.

[Sar]

Reminds me of this timeless masterpiece: http://imgur.com/a/EpQCX

[HardboiledGargoyle]

...

I thought this was like a sitcom where something funny has to happen

[Arrhythmia]

Reminds me of this timeless masterpiece: http://imgur.com/a/EpQCX

thanks for posting this i tried to find it when i read ticktacy's story but couldn't

[PleasingFungus]

i dreamed last night that there was a second orc-exclusive god. its name looked like it started with 'b', but it was actually one of those things like tso ('1') and it was under the cyrillic letter з instead. i was very annoyed at grunt for adding this god, because it meant we had no longer had any excuse for limiting gods to 27 at all

rip grunt.

[dynast]

Last night i was making out with Erolcha when i found out she was a two-headed ogre...

[duvessa]

jackpot

[Arrhythmia]

last night i dreamt that they replaced tomb with a sunken ship pirate themed branch.

it still wasn't good though.

[Cheibrodos]

last night i dreamt that they replaced tomb with a sunken ship pirate themed branch.

it still wasn't good though.

If it's anything like shoals it would be ten times worse

[Arrhythmia]

last night i dreamt that they replaced tomb with a sunken ship pirate themed branch.

it still wasn't good though.

If it's anything like shoals it would be ten times worse

i think, in the dream, it was literally the same branch in all ways except the mummies were now ghost pirates.

[Tiktacy]

A pirate themed portal vault would be sick.

[duvessa]

i had a dream last night that i was princess zelda, and i went on a walk, and some guy catcalled me, so i roundhouse kicked him in the face. i almost fell over afterwards because i was wearing heels.

[cerebovssquire]

i had a dream last night that i was with a wizard couple. we were walking about in a cave. we arrived at an opening overlooking a desert valley. apparently the guy was a vampire or something, because when he stepped out of the cave a timer appeared above his head - just some neon numbers floating above it. for some reason i knew it was a countdown till the moment the sunlight would scorch him to death. he walks out pretty far and then i see that there's only ten seconds left on his timer.

he starts running back and it doesn't look like he's going to make it, i'm terrified, his girlfriend is next to me and doesn't seem to care. he somehow does get back to safety in time (the numbers started slowing down as they approached zero, it was an absolutely reasonable assumption that he was going to die). his girlfriend crosses her arms and tells me he does shit like that all the time to freak her out.

[pubby]

dream1:

Walking around America like nobody's business when two Japanese ladies come up to me. Then suddenly I'm in Japan sitting in some library with the ladies. Then some American dude comes up to me and tells me a pun in English, but the pun can only be understood if you speak Japaneses because it depends on mistaken pronunciation of their words. I don't speak Japanese so I feel embarrassed.

dream2:

I board a plane to go to the capital of Cincinnati which is Cincinniapolos. When I get on the plane I play a round of golf on the upper floor, and then the captain announces that this is a space plane and that the fastest way to get to Cincinniapolos is to slingshot around Jupiter. So the plane takes off and I experience G-LOC due to the acceleration and pass out, but I wake up in time to see Jupiter and I wave out the window and say hello to it.

[Sar]

I had a dream tonight that I found a +9 faerie dragon armour {rF++++} (yes, four pluses) just lying somewhere in Depths (or maybe I tabbed Enchantress without even noticing?) and I was thinking about how it's the best FaDA I've ever seen and how I should post about it in the best artifacts thread. Then I sort of woke up for a bit and realized it's just a dream. Very disappointing.

[BabyRage]

I mostly have erotic dreams.

[Sprucery]

Aren't most of the dreams in this thread erotic?

[duvessa]

i had a dream recently that there was a sequel to undertale and everything was the same as the first game except it started with toriel falling off a ladder

before that I had a dream that there was a game show where contestants took turns putting a ball in a pachinko machine. the ball could land in spots marked with dollar amounts from $1 to $100, and the contestant won that amount of money. the twist is that the pachinko machine also had a mechanical leg wearing a boot, which would kick the contestant after the prize was awarded, and the bigger the prize, the closer the kick would be to the groin. so it would completely miss you if you only won $1, if you won $50 it would kick you in the leg, and if you won $100 you had to get kicked directly in the genitals. it was against the rules to dodge the kick, you had to stand perfectly still

before that I had a dream that google added a filter to google images that made it so that if you typed a "naughty" word in the search bar, all the resulting pictures would be of bibles, crosses, churches, jesuses, etc. I distinctly remember seeing a screenshot of it in the dream; this is a recreation of that screenshot:


prior to that I had a dream that if you worked out enough you'd grow extra arms, and men weren't considered masculine enough unless they had at least 6 arms. arnold schwarzenegger had 10 arms

before that I had a dream that my best friend irl was alphys from undertale, and someone wanted to kidnap her and we ended up hiding in the back of my car at 3:00 AM in a parking lot. i remember hugging her to comfort her, but not much else besides that

and before that I had a dream that someone sent me an issue of playboy in the mail, and I thought that was weird, but decided to flip through it out of curiosity and half the models were wearing fake elf ears and all the articles were about fishing