The Tavern

You attempt to sneak up on Psyche, but she notices you before you get close enough to stab her. Psyche wields a dagger of distortion! She also stops licking the wall.a) Attack
b) Parry
c) Feint
d) Use Acid Spit
e) Use item

d) Use Acid Spit

You spit acid on Psyche's dagger of distortion. The acid is cast into the Abyss!
Psyche hits you with a dagger of distortion. (-4 HP) You are cast into the Abyss!a) Go northwest until you find an exit or die
b) Go northeast until you find an exit or die
c) Go southwest until you find an exit or die
d) Go southeast until you find an exit or die
e) Use item

e) Use item : Sonja's phone

You eat Sonja's phone. (+1 HP)a) Go northwest until you find an exit or die
b) Go northeast until you find an exit or die
c) Go southwest until you find an exit or die
d) Go southeast until you find an exit or die
e) Use item

a).

You go northwest. It takes like a week, but you eventually find an exit. You pass through the gate. Psyche is still there.a) Attack
b) Parry
c) Feint
d) Use Acid Spit
e) Use item

c)

Your message contains 2 characters. The minimum number of characters you need to enter is 3.

You spend nearly a month pretending to attack. Psyche falls for it and dodges into the wall, taking collision damage. The wall also takes collision damage.a) Attack
b) Parry
c) Feint
d) Use Acid Spit
e) Use item

A.)

You hit Psyche. Psyche is cast into the Abyss!
DEFEATED PSYCHE (but only got half experience)a) Go through west door
b) Go through south door
c) Use item

Whoot!

b)

You walk through the door to the south. This room is empty, save for the exits to the north and south, and the huge computer console in front of the west wall.a) Go through north door
b) Go through south door
c) Examine console
d) Use item

c).

a) Go through north door
b) Go through south door
c) Type something
d) Press bony-eared assfish button
e) Press captcha button
f) Press bong button
g) Press Stab Crab button
h) Press rambutan button
i) Press minmay_the_grid_ultimate button
j) Press clean-up button
k) Press shopping cart button
l) Press Yiff and Yang button
m) Press elf button
n) Press gender apocalypse button
o) Press face fish button
p) Press fox button
q) Press TAC-FORCE button
r) Press Orb Guardian button
s) Press BonziBUDDY button
t) Press arse button
u) Press trolley problem button
v) Use item

v) put on pants. Then i).

You can't wear pants while the cursed thoroughly rusted -7 helmet of Okawaru's Regard is stuck to you.
You press the minmay_the_grid_ultimate button. The button stays down. Nothing appears to happen.
a) Go through north door
b) Go through south door
c) Type something
d) Press bony-eared assfish button
e) Press captcha button
f) Press bong button
g) Press Stab Crab button
h) Press rambutan button
i) Press clean-up button
j) Press shopping cart button
k) Press Yiff and Yang button
l) Press elf button
m) Press gender apocalypse button
n) Press face fish button
o) Press fox button
p) Press TAC-FORCE button
q) Press Orb Guardian button
r) Press BonziBUDDY button
s) Press arse button
t) Press trolley problem button
u) Use item

l).

You press the elf button. The button stays down. Nothing appears to happen.
a) Go through north door
b) Go through south door
c) Type something
d) Press bony-eared assfish button
e) Press captcha button
f) Press bong button
g) Press Stab Crab button
h) Press rambutan button
i) Press clean-up button
j) Press shopping cart button
k) Press Yiff and Yang button
l) Press gender apocalypse button
m) Press face fish button
n) Press fox button
o) Press TAC-FORCE button
p) Press Orb Guardian button
q) Press BonziBUDDY button
r) Press arse button
s) Press trolley problem button
t) Press multiple buttons
u) Use item

c.) Type "quit" and hit <enter>

You try to type "QUIT". There doesn't seem to be an enter key. Or a backspace key.
a) Go through north door
b) Go through south door
c) Type something
d) Press bony-eared assfish button
e) Press captcha button
f) Press bong button
g) Press Stab Crab button
h) Press rambutan button
i) Press clean-up button
j) Press shopping cart button
k) Press Yiff and Yang button
l) Press gender apocalypse button
m) Press face fish button
n) Press fox button
o) Press TAC-FORCE button
p) Press Orb Guardian button
q) Press BonziBUDDY button
r) Press arse button
s) Press trolley problem button
t) Press multiple buttons
u) Use item

No longer textual adventure, worse game ever

j)

You press the shopping cart button. The button stays down. Nothing appears to happen.
a) Go through north door
b) Go through south door
c) Type something
d) Press bony-eared assfish button
e) Press captcha button
f) Press bong button
g) Press Stab Crab button
h) Press rambutan button
i) Press clean-up button
j) Press Yiff and Yang button
k) Press gender apocalypse button
l) Press face fish button
m) Press fox button
n) Press TAC-FORCE button
o) Press Orb Guardian button
p) Press BonziBUDDY button
q) Press arse button
r) Press trolley problem button
s) Press multiple buttons
t) Use item

b).

You proceed to the next room. It seems to be empty, save for a door leading west. And also the door leading north.
An ettin appears from thin air! x2
A stone giant appears from thin air! x7
A fire giant appears from thin air!
A frost giant appears from thin air! x4
A titan appears from thin air! x3
A juggernaut appears from thin air! x2
A fire dragon appears from thin air! x3
An ice dragon appears from thin air! x5
A shadow dragon appears from thin air! x2
A storm dragon appears from thin air!
An iron dragon appears from thin air! x2
A golden dragon appears from thin air!
A floating eye appears from thin air!
A great orb of eyes appears from thin air!
A glowing orange brain appears from thin air!
A manticore appears from thin air!
A hippogriff appears from thin air!
A slime creature appears from thin air! x3
A lich appears from thin air! x8
An ogre mage appears from thin air! x2
A tengu warrior appears from thin air! x4
A tengu conjurer appears from thin air! x2
A tengu reaver appears from thin air! x3
A rakshasa appears from thin air! x3
An anaconda appears from thin air! x2
A sea snake appears from thin air!
A deep troll earth mage appears from thin air! x9
A deep troll shaman appears from thin air! x2
A vampire knight appears from thin air! x2
A vampire mage appears from thin air! x2
A flayed ghost appears from thin air! x2
A tentacled monstrosity appears from thin air! x3
A caustic shrike appears from thin air!
A centaur warrior appears from thin air!
A yaktaur appears from thin air! x4
A yaktaur captain appears from thin air! x6
A deep elf high priest appears from thin air! x2
A deep elf demonologist appears from thin air!
A boggart appears from thin air!
A spriggan berserker appears from thin air! x2
A spriggan defender appears from thin air! x3
A spriggan air mage appears from thin air! x2
A death drake appears from thin air!
A hell knight appears from thin air! x2
A necromancer appears from thin air! x3
A jumping spider appears from thin air!
A cyan very ugly thing appears from thin air!
A green very ugly thing appears from thin air! x2
A spark wasp appears from thin air! x3
An elf appears from thin air! x2
A shopping cart appears from thin air!
a) Attack
b) Parry
c) Feint
d) Use Acid Spit
e) Use item

Use bottles of wine

Surprise rave party

You throw a bottle of Thunderdog at the shopping cart. "YEET!"
The fire dragon roars deafeningly!
The tengu reaver shouts!
The sea snake hisses angrily.
The deep troll earth mage shouts!
The spriggan defender shouts!
The green very ugly thing gurgles horribly!
The yaktaur captain shouts!
The boggart shouts!
The deep elf demonologist shouts!
The yaktaur captain shouts!
The fire dragon roars deafeningly!
The juggernaut shouts!
The stone giant shouts!
The fire giant shouts!
The ice dragon roars deafeningly!
The frost giant shouts!
The stone giant shouts!
The yaktaur shouts!
The death drake hisses angrily.
The deep elf high priest shouts!
The yaktaur captain shouts!
The ice dragon roars deafeningly!
The caustic shrike screeches!
The yaktaur shouts!
The floating eye turns its gaze towards you.
The great orb of eyes turns its gaze towards you.
The stone giant shouts!
The spriggan berserker shouts!
The tengu warrior shouts!
The deep troll earth mage shouts!
The lich shouts!
The deep troll earth mage shouts!
The yaktaur captain shouts!
The stone giant shouts!
The ettin shouts in stereo!
The fire dragon roars deafeningly!
The frost giant shouts! x3
The titan shouts! x2
The spriggan defender shouts!
The spriggan berserker shouts!
The ogre mage shouts!
The slime creature quivers.
The deep troll earth mage shouts!
The anaconda hisses angrily. x2
The deep troll earth mage shouts!
The spark wasp buzzes angrily.
The lich shouts!
The tengu warrior shouts!
The slime creature quivers.
The lich shouts!
The deep troll earth mage shouts! x2
The spriggan air mage shouts!
The titan shouts!
The cyan very ugly thing gurgles horribly!
The yaktaur captain shouts!
The yaktaur shouts!
The yaktaur captain shouts!
The vampire knight shouts!
The hippogriff screeches!
The deep troll shaman shouts!
The ice dragon roars deafeningly!
The storm dragon roars deafeningly!
The deep troll shaman shouts!
The spark wasp buzzes angrily.
The necromancer shouts!
The iron dragon roars deafeningly!
The tengu conjurer shouts!
The tengu warrior shouts!
The lich shouts!
The tengu conjurer shouts!
The spark wasp buzzes angrily.
The spriggan defender shouts!
The spriggan air mage shouts!
The hell knight shouts! x2
The elves stop kissing and look around in bewilderment.
The bottle lands in the shopping cart.a) Attack
b) Parry
c) Feint
d) Use Acid Spit
e) Use item

d).

You spit acid at the fire dragon. The glob of acid misses the fire dragon.
The fire dragon breathes flames at you. The blast of flame hits you! (-29 HP, -43 GP)
All the other monsters also eviscerate you. (-1352 GP, -20 max PP, +3 AC)
The elves teleport away.
a) Attack
b) Parry
c) Feint
d) Use item

a).