The Tavern

This is a dream, no sort of bolt is going to stop us.

Take the house, and the door with it.

the code is 18099316

use the mailbox to batter the door down

Granted I haven't submitted any actions for this game yet, but it's an entertaining read. I'd like to remind everyone that they're doing it horribly wrong, though. The goal is 4000 thanks. You currently have 1 thank. Given that this has been running for 1 month, that means you'll finish the game in approximately 333 (and a quarter) years. In the interest of speeding things up, I recommend going back to the party, and repeatedly grinding out pseudo-intellectual self-help/life advice to party goers. Things like relationship advice, how to declutter your life and focus on what's important, advice on 'getting outdoors and hiking in the mountains', so on and so forth. This should accelerate our rate of thanks acquisitions greatly, and make completing the quest within our lifetimes possible.

Carry on.

You don't have enough AC to take the house. Besides, it's probably bolted to the ground. You smash the mailbox into the door of the house. It opens. Looks like it was unlocked in the first place. The interior of the house hasn't been built yet, so there's nothing to steal.

You go to the west, then to the north, searching for the elf. You don't find any elves. However, you do find the Lincoln memorial in the middle of the forest. It's surrounded by sandbags and those concrete barriers that stop drunk people from driving their cars into rivers. They seem to have been erected in a rush.
You hear a faint buzzing coming from inside the memorial.

Code:: DP: ============================== 30/30 MP: ==================== 20/20 GP: =------------------- 1/20 AC: ??? THANKS COLLECTED: 1 Silk trousers (???AC) (worn) Plaid beret (???AC) (in money bag) Cargo shorts (???AC) (in money bag) Ordinary twig (in money bag) Nuclear bomb (in money bag) Money bag (in money bag) Water pistol (100%) 3 scrolls of remove curse Two pieces of paper with '9' on them Mailbox MAP ◼ ║ ◻═◻ ║ ═◻═◻ ║ ◻═◻═ ║ Defeated: Ijyb, Robin, 12 other goblins, Terence, Sigmund, Crazy Yiuf, Blork the orc, Grum, Maurice, Edmund, Grinder, Jessica, Eustachio, Menkaure, Purgy, Dowan's innocence, Prince Ribbit, Joseph, Pikel, Sonja, Nergalle

wield the mailbox and charge into the memorial screaming.

You charge into the Lincoln memorial, yelling your battle cry. The inside of the memorial appears to be a large library. It's filled with bees. They buzz back and forth, fortifying the bookshelves with sandbags, screws, and masking tape. They don't seem to care about you.

Code:: DP: ============================== 30/30 MP: ==================== 20/20 GP: =------------------- 1/20 AC: ??? THANKS COLLECTED: 1 Silk trousers (???AC) (worn) Plaid beret (???AC) (in money bag) Cargo shorts (???AC) (in money bag) Ordinary twig (in money bag) Nuclear bomb (in money bag) Money bag (in money bag) Water pistol (100%) 3 scrolls of remove curse Two pieces of paper with '9' on them Mailbox (wielded) MAP ◼ ║ ◻═◻ ║ ═◻═◻ ║ ◻═◻═ ║ Defeated: Ijyb, Robin, 12 other goblins, Terence, Sigmund, Crazy Yiuf, Blork the orc, Grum, Maurice, Edmund, Grinder, Jessica, Eustachio, Menkaure, Purgy, Dowan's innocence, Prince Ribbit, Joseph, Pikel, Sonja, Nergalle

threaten the bees with the mailbox and demand they give you the slip of paper. If they refuse, start flipping through random books and dumping them on the floor.

You wave the mailbox about. Suddenly, you hear a deafening explosion, and the memorial shakes, knocking you off your feet. You hear more explosions. A cannonball crashes through one of the walls. Although the explosions were deafening, this is a dream, so you don't actually go deaf. Panicked bees are flying in every direction.

Code:: DP: ============================== 30/30 MP: ==================== 20/20 GP: =------------------- 1/20 AC: ??? THANKS COLLECTED: 1 Silk trousers (???AC) (worn) Plaid beret (???AC) (in money bag) Cargo shorts (???AC) (in money bag) Ordinary twig (in money bag) Nuclear bomb (in money bag) Money bag (in money bag) Water pistol (100%) 3 scrolls of remove curse Two pieces of paper with '9' on them Mailbox (wielded) MAP ◼ ║ ◻═◻ ║ ═◻═◻ ║ ◻═◻═ ║ Defeated: Ijyb, Robin, 12 other goblins, Terence, Sigmund, Crazy Yiuf, Blork the orc, Grum, Maurice, Edmund, Grinder, Jessica, Eustachio, Menkaure, Purgy, Dowan's innocence, Prince Ribbit, Joseph, Pikel, Sonja, Nergalle

Put the cannonball in the money bag.

The cannonball is too big to fit in the money bag. More cannons fire. The building is crumbling around you.

Code:: DP: ============================== 30/30 MP: ==================== 20/20 GP: =------------------- 1/20 AC: ??? THANKS COLLECTED: 1 Silk trousers (???AC) (worn) Plaid beret (???AC) (in money bag) Cargo shorts (???AC) (in money bag) Ordinary twig (in money bag) Nuclear bomb (in money bag) Money bag (in money bag) Water pistol (100%) 3 scrolls of remove curse Two pieces of paper with '9' on them Mailbox (wielded) MAP ◼ ║ ◻═◻ ║ ═◻═◻ ║ ◻═◻═ ║ Defeated: Ijyb, Robin, 12 other goblins, Terence, Sigmund, Crazy Yiuf, Blork the orc, Grum, Maurice, Edmund, Grinder, Jessica, Eustachio, Menkaure, Purgy, Dowan's innocence, Prince Ribbit, Joseph, Pikel, Sonja, Nergalle

Play booling with the cannon ball and the debris

You roll a cannonball towards some of the debris. You completely miss and the cannonball goes straight into the gutter.
The memorial's ceiling starts to give way. It'll completely collapse any moment now.

Code:: DP: ============================== 30/30 MP: ==================== 20/20 GP: =------------------- 1/20 AC: ??? THANKS COLLECTED: 1 Silk trousers (???AC) (worn) Plaid beret (???AC) (in money bag) Cargo shorts (???AC) (in money bag) Ordinary twig (in money bag) Nuclear bomb (in money bag) Money bag (in money bag) Water pistol (100%) 3 scrolls of remove curse Two pieces of paper with '9' on them Mailbox (wielded) MAP ◼ ║ ◻═◻ ║ ═◻═◻ ║ ◻═◻═ ║ Defeated: Ijyb, Robin, 12 other goblins, Terence, Sigmund, Crazy Yiuf, Blork the orc, Grum, Maurice, Edmund, Grinder, Jessica, Eustachio, Menkaure, Purgy, Dowan's innocence, Prince Ribbit, Joseph, Pikel, Sonja, Nergalle

Go outside.

You escape the Lincoln memorial just as it collapses into rubble. Outside, you see 14 cannons, manned by fascist bees. Beed by fascist bees? Anyway, they don't seem to care much about you.

Code:: DP: ============================== 30/30 MP: ==================== 20/20 GP: =------------------- 1/20 AC: ??? THANKS COLLECTED: 1 Silk trousers (???AC) (worn) Plaid beret (???AC) (in money bag) Cargo shorts (???AC) (in money bag) Ordinary twig (in money bag) Nuclear bomb (in money bag) Money bag (in money bag) Water pistol (100%) 3 scrolls of remove curse Two pieces of paper with '9' on them Mailbox (wielded) MAP ◼ ║ ◻═◻ ║ ═◻═◻ ║ ◻═◻═ ║ Defeated: Ijyb, Robin, 12 other goblins, Terence, Sigmund, Crazy Yiuf, Blork the orc, Grum, Maurice, Edmund, Grinder, Jessica, Eustachio, Menkaure, Purgy, Dowan's innocence, Prince Ribbit, Joseph, Pikel, Sonja, Nergalle

Shout "Beeba la Revolucion!!!" and charge their position, cannonball held high overhead.

It would likely be more effective to shoot them with the water pistol, Bees hate water. I'm not sure you could swing a cannonball fast enough to actually hurt a bee...

Although I agree 100% with the battlecry. Though you die, the resistance lives on!

This is a dream full of bees, maaaan.... =D

You don't have a cannonball, so you just hold your hands above your head and pretend you're carrying one. You start kicking a cannon. It makes some clanging noises, but holds fast. The fascist bees start swarming around some of the other cannons.

Code:: DP: ============================== 30/30 MP: ==================== 20/20 GP: =------------------- 1/20 AC: ??? THANKS COLLECTED: 1 Silk trousers (???AC) (worn) Plaid beret (???AC) (in money bag) Cargo shorts (???AC) (in money bag) Ordinary twig (in money bag) Nuclear bomb (in money bag) Money bag (in money bag) Water pistol (100%) 3 scrolls of remove curse Two pieces of paper with '9' on them Mailbox (wielded) MAP ◼ ║ ◻═◻ ║ ═◻═◻ ║ ◻═◻═ ║ Defeated: Ijyb, Robin, 12 other goblins, Terence, Sigmund, Crazy Yiuf, Blork the orc, Grum, Maurice, Edmund, Grinder, Jessica, Eustachio, Menkaure, Purgy, Dowan's innocence, Prince Ribbit, Joseph, Pikel, Sonja, Nergalle

Go to the next dream clue.

EDIT: I mean, push 'o' for autoexplore. If anything gets in the way, hold down tab.

Hei man are you still sleeping here?

Go two south and west? I believe that's a room we haven't been in yet, right? The bees seem to have accomplished their objective and their war is not ours to fight.

You return to the playground and go to the west. You find yourself in a magic wizard library for wizards. The library consists of a single room. It's not a very big library. There are a bunch of magic wizard books on the shelves. The librarian at the front desk looks really bored.

Code:: DP: ============================== 30/30 MP: ==================== 20/20 GP: =------------------- 1/20 AC: ??? THANKS COLLECTED: 1 Silk trousers (???AC) (worn) Plaid beret (???AC) (in money bag) Cargo shorts (???AC) (in money bag) Ordinary twig (in money bag) Nuclear bomb (in money bag) Money bag (in money bag) Water pistol (100%) 3 scrolls of remove curse Two pieces of paper with '9' on them Mailbox (wielded) MAP ◻ ║ ◻═◻ ║ ◼═◻═◻ ║ ◻═◻═ ║ Defeated: Ijyb, Robin, 12 other goblins, Terence, Sigmund, Crazy Yiuf, Blork the orc, Grum, Maurice, Edmund, Grinder, Jessica, Eustachio, Menkaure, Purgy, Dowan's innocence, Prince Ribbit, Joseph, Pikel, Sonja, Nergalle

Flirt with the librarian

You tell the librarian he's one hot piece of hotness. He doesn't respond. You suddenly realize that the librarian is a statue.
A wizard takes a spellbook off one of the shelves and starts highlighting passages.

Code:: DP: ============================== 30/30 MP: ==================== 20/20 GP: =------------------- 1/20 AC: ??? THANKS COLLECTED: 1 Silk trousers (???AC) (worn) Plaid beret (???AC) (in money bag) Cargo shorts (???AC) (in money bag) Ordinary twig (in money bag) Nuclear bomb (in money bag) Money bag (in money bag) Water pistol (100%) 3 scrolls of remove curse Two pieces of paper with '9' on them Mailbox (wielded) MAP ◻ ║ ◻═◻ ║ ◼═◻═◻ ║ ◻═◻═ ║ Defeated: Ijyb, Robin, 12 other goblins, Terence, Sigmund, Crazy Yiuf, Blork the orc, Grum, Maurice, Edmund, Grinder, Jessica, Eustachio, Menkaure, Purgy, Dowan's innocence, Prince Ribbit, Joseph, Pikel, Sonja, Nergalle

minmay wrote:You escape the Lincoln memorial just as it collapses into rubble. Outside, you see 14 cannons, manned by fascist bees. Beed by fascist bees? Anyway, they don't seem to care much about you.

What

Then as there isn't anyone controlling take whatever you can from the desk.

After that scold the wizard! He shouldn't highlight passages on a public book!
Then read whatever he underlined

The front desk has nothing on it. You jump over it and look behind it. The front desk has nothing behind it, except for the statue, which is too large to take. You search the drawers of the desk, but they're all empty. You search the statue, and find a piece of paper shoved into its left nostril. It has the number '9' on it. As you prepare to scold the wizard, he sneezes into the book, then spills soda on another book. You scold the wizard. He quietly returns the books to the wrong shelf. You take one of the books and flip it open, hoping to find out what he highlighted. It appears that he has highlighted the entire text of the book, as well as the margins and the back of the cover. You put the book back.

Code:: DP: ============================== 30/30 MP: ==================== 20/20 GP: =------------------- 1/20 AC: ??? THANKS COLLECTED: 1 Silk trousers (???AC) (worn) Plaid beret (???AC) (in money bag) Cargo shorts (???AC) (in money bag) Ordinary twig (in money bag) Nuclear bomb (in money bag) Money bag (in money bag) Water pistol (100%) 3 scrolls of remove curse Three pieces of paper with '9' on them Mailbox (wielded) MAP ◻ ║ ◻═◻ ║ ◼═◻═◻ ║ ◻═◻═ ║ Defeated: Ijyb, Robin, 12 other goblins, Terence, Sigmund, Crazy Yiuf, Blork the orc, Grum, Maurice, Edmund, Grinder, Jessica, Eustachio, Menkaure, Purgy, Dowan's innocence, Prince Ribbit, Joseph, Pikel, Sonja, Nergalle

Go East, South, East.

I used to work in a library and god damn that wizard

The code for the door is '27'...

Have a feeling it's going to be anti-climactic though.

Wake up and try varying numbers of 9s on the lock

As you exit the library, the wizard takes another book and starts flipping through it. He licks his fingers before turning each page. You return to the room with your car in it and go through the door to the east. You find yourself outside again, this time in front of a hotel. There's a fountain in front of the hotel. It's considerably less tacky than the one with the urinating bear. A water nymph is sitting in the fountain. She looks sad.

Code:: DP: ============================== 30/30 MP: ==================== 20/20 GP: =------------------- 1/20 AC: ??? THANKS COLLECTED: 1 Silk trousers (???AC) (worn) Plaid beret (???AC) (in money bag) Cargo shorts (???AC) (in money bag) Ordinary twig (in money bag) Nuclear bomb (in money bag) Money bag (in money bag) Water pistol (100%) 3 scrolls of remove curse Three pieces of paper with '9' on them Mailbox (wielded) MAP ◻ ║ ◻═◻ ║ ◻═◻═◻ ║ ◻═◻═◼═ ║ Defeated: Ijyb, Robin, 12 other goblins, Terence, Sigmund, Crazy Yiuf, Blork the orc, Grum, Maurice, Edmund, Grinder, Jessica, Eustachio, Menkaure, Purgy, Dowan's innocence, Prince Ribbit, Joseph, Pikel, Sonja, Nergalle

Ask nymph what's wrong.

You ask the water nymph what's wrong.
"I'm trapped in this fountain. If I leave, they'll arrest me."

Code:: DP: ============================== 30/30 MP: ==================== 20/20 GP: =------------------- 1/20 AC: ??? THANKS COLLECTED: 1 Silk trousers (???AC) (worn) Plaid beret (???AC) (in money bag) Cargo shorts (???AC) (in money bag) Ordinary twig (in money bag) Nuclear bomb (in money bag) Money bag (in money bag) Water pistol (100%) 3 scrolls of remove curse Three pieces of paper with '9' on them Mailbox (wielded) MAP ◻ ║ ◻═◻ ║ ◻═◻═◻ ║ ◻═◻═◼═ ║ Defeated: Ijyb, Robin, 12 other goblins, Terence, Sigmund, Crazy Yiuf, Blork the orc, Grum, Maurice, Edmund, Grinder, Jessica, Eustachio, Menkaure, Purgy, Dowan's innocence, Prince Ribbit, Joseph, Pikel, Sonja, Nergalle

drag the nymph out of the fountain

You try to grab the water nymph, but she pulls away.
"What the hell? Just because I'm naked doesn't mean you can touch me. I'm a nymph. We're always naked."

Code:: DP: ============================== 30/30 MP: ==================== 20/20 GP: =------------------- 1/20 AC: ??? THANKS COLLECTED: 1 Silk trousers (???AC) (worn) Plaid beret (???AC) (in money bag) Cargo shorts (???AC) (in money bag) Ordinary twig (in money bag) Nuclear bomb (in money bag) Money bag (in money bag) Water pistol (100%) 3 scrolls of remove curse Three pieces of paper with '9' on them Mailbox (wielded) MAP ◻ ║ ◻═◻ ║ ◻═◻═◻ ║ ◻═◻═◼═ ║ Defeated: Ijyb, Robin, 12 other goblins, Terence, Sigmund, Crazy Yiuf, Blork the orc, Grum, Maurice, Edmund, Grinder, Jessica, Eustachio, Menkaure, Purgy, Dowan's innocence, Prince Ribbit, Joseph, Pikel, Sonja, Nergalle

press 'tab'

You smash the mailbox into the rim of the fountain, chipping off a piece of stone.
"Um... I'm going to leave now." The water nymph melts into the water and vanishes.

Code:: DP: ============================== 30/30 MP: ==================== 20/20 GP: =------------------- 1/20 AC: ??? THANKS COLLECTED: 1 Silk trousers (???AC) (worn) Plaid beret (???AC) (in money bag) Cargo shorts (???AC) (in money bag) Ordinary twig (in money bag) Nuclear bomb (in money bag) Money bag (in money bag) Water pistol (100%) 3 scrolls of remove curse Three pieces of paper with '9' on them Mailbox (wielded) MAP ◻ ║ ◻═◻ ║ ◻═◻═◻ ║ ◻═◻═◼═ ║ Defeated: Ijyb, Robin, 12 other goblins, Terence, Sigmund, Crazy Yiuf, Blork the orc, Grum, Maurice, Edmund, Grinder, Jessica, Eustachio, Menkaure, Purgy, Dowan's innocence, Prince Ribbit, Joseph, Pikel, Sonja, Nergalle

Pee in the fountain.

Jesus you guys are horrible, you didnt even give her a chance to drag us to our watery grave. And now we'll never know that her secret number was '9'.

Im starting to get that repetitive dream feeling here, actually, when your brain just keeps telling you the same thing over and over again in various permutations.... but we already got told we cant use '9' by itself.

You pee in the fountain. Nothing happens.

Code:: DP: ============================== 30/30 MP: ==================== 20/20 GP: =------------------- 1/20 AC: ??? THANKS COLLECTED: 1 Silk trousers (???AC) (worn) Plaid beret (???AC) (in money bag) Cargo shorts (???AC) (in money bag) Ordinary twig (in money bag) Nuclear bomb (in money bag) Money bag (in money bag) Water pistol (100%) 3 scrolls of remove curse Three pieces of paper with '9' on them Mailbox (wielded) MAP ◻ ║ ◻═◻ ║ ◻═◻═◻ ║ ◻═◻═◼═ ║ Defeated: Ijyb, Robin, 12 other goblins, Terence, Sigmund, Crazy Yiuf, Blork the orc, Grum, Maurice, Edmund, Grinder, Jessica, Eustachio, Menkaure, Purgy, Dowan's innocence, Prince Ribbit, Joseph, Pikel, Sonja, Nergalle

Use the water pistol to empty the fountain

You empty the water pistol on the ground, then refill it from the fountain. You repeat this a few million times. The water level in the fountain doesn't change.

Code:: DP: ============================== 30/30 MP: ==================== 20/20 GP: =------------------- 1/20 AC: ??? THANKS COLLECTED: 1 Silk trousers (???AC) (worn) Plaid beret (???AC) (in money bag) Cargo shorts (???AC) (in money bag) Ordinary twig (in money bag) Nuclear bomb (in money bag) Money bag (in money bag) Water pistol (100%) 3 scrolls of remove curse Three pieces of paper with '9' on them Mailbox (wielded) MAP ◻ ║ ◻═◻ ║ ◻═◻═◻ ║ ◻═◻═◼═ ║ Defeated: Ijyb, Robin, 12 other goblins, Terence, Sigmund, Crazy Yiuf, Blork the orc, Grum, Maurice, Edmund, Grinder, Jessica, Eustachio, Menkaure, Purgy, Dowan's innocence, Prince Ribbit, Joseph, Pikel, Sonja, Nergalle

Enter the Hotel of Dreeeaaaaammmms

You go through the front door of the hotel. It turns out the inside of the hotel isn't a hotel at all, but is actually another library. There's a round table in the middle of the room with some public computers on it. A robotic janitor is vacuuming the floor with a canister vacuum. It looks sad.

Code:: DP: ============================== 30/30 MP: ==================== 20/20 GP: =------------------- 1/20 AC: ??? THANKS COLLECTED: 1 Silk trousers (???AC) (worn) Plaid beret (???AC) (in money bag) Cargo shorts (???AC) (in money bag) Ordinary twig (in money bag) Nuclear bomb (in money bag) Money bag (in money bag) Water pistol (100%) 3 scrolls of remove curse Three pieces of paper with '9' on them Mailbox (wielded) MAP ◻ ║ ◻═◻ ║ ◻═◻═◻ ║ ◻═◻═◻═◼ ║ Defeated: Ijyb, Robin, 12 other goblins, Terence, Sigmund, Crazy Yiuf, Blork the orc, Grum, Maurice, Edmund, Grinder, Jessica, Eustachio, Menkaure, Purgy, Dowan's innocence, Prince Ribbit, Joseph, Pikel, Sonja, Nergalle

Apologize to the robot for trying to drag her out of her fountain

You tell the robot you're sorry about trying to touch the water nymph.
"Yeah, that's pretty creepy. You should have more respect for people's boundaries."

Code:: DP: ============================== 30/30 MP: ==================== 20/20 GP: =------------------- 1/20 AC: ??? THANKS COLLECTED: 1 Silk trousers (???AC) (worn) Plaid beret (???AC) (in money bag) Cargo shorts (???AC) (in money bag) Ordinary twig (in money bag) Nuclear bomb (in money bag) Money bag (in money bag) Water pistol (100%) 3 scrolls of remove curse Three pieces of paper with '9' on them Mailbox (wielded) MAP ◻ ║ ◻═◻ ║ ◻═◻═◻ ║ ◻═◻═◻═◼ ║ Defeated: Ijyb, Robin, 12 other goblins, Terence, Sigmund, Crazy Yiuf, Blork the orc, Grum, Maurice, Edmund, Grinder, Jessica, Eustachio, Menkaure, Purgy, Dowan's innocence, Prince Ribbit, Joseph, Pikel, Sonja, Nergalle

Ask the robot if it knows anything about secret codes.

"I'm just the janitor. If you need to look something up, you can use one of the public computers over there. It's free."

Code:: DP: ============================== 30/30 MP: ==================== 20/20 GP: =------------------- 1/20 AC: ??? THANKS COLLECTED: 1 Silk trousers (???AC) (worn) Plaid beret (???AC) (in money bag) Cargo shorts (???AC) (in money bag) Ordinary twig (in money bag) Nuclear bomb (in money bag) Money bag (in money bag) Water pistol (100%) 3 scrolls of remove curse Three pieces of paper with '9' on them Mailbox (wielded) MAP ◻ ║ ◻═◻ ║ ◻═◻═◻ ║ ◻═◻═◻═◼ ║ Defeated: Ijyb, Robin, 12 other goblins, Terence, Sigmund, Crazy Yiuf, Blork the orc, Grum, Maurice, Edmund, Grinder, Jessica, Eustachio, Menkaure, Purgy, Dowan's innocence, Prince Ribbit, Joseph, Pikel, Sonja, Nergalle

The Tavern

4000 THANK QUEST

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