The Tavern

hi everyone duvessa here with another guide. this one is about how to get a boyfriend/girlfriend/special elf friend. now this isnt so much a step by step guide, its more like a list of things to remember, so lets get started.

first of all, don't be ashamed of your body. back in high school i was really self-conscious about my unusual hair colour, so i dyed it blonde. i even taped back my ears. since then, i've learned that the right person will think you're beautiful the way you naturally are. (exception: shave your neck daily, you're not a caveman)

second, i dont know what the hell a "waifu" is but it sounds like something weird so you should probably stay away from it

third, dont be afraid of people judging you. yeah, in high school a bunch of people made fun of me and made nasty jokes like "what's the hardest part of convincing duvessa to sleep with you? taking off all the toilet paper afterwards". but so what? how many of THEM are still in a happy, stable relationship 6 years later, with someone who never takes the last slice of pizza?

finally and most importantly, get a sword. you won't believe how much it helps, trust me

welp thats all for now, i'm gonna go to bed

I think waifu is some sort of food, im almost positive.

Also, its not about who eats the last slice of pizza but who picks its flavor.

Anyways, call me back when you develop a color and if its mottled then then the date is over.

dating is trivial

unless you're into jackal packs

I don't get the toilet paper joke... :/

duvessa dates mummies because minmay is a mummy

I dated a mummy once and let me tell you that was NOT toilet paper and if you use it as such mummies get really angry

Duvessa dating tips: Don't kill Dowan!!

why-fu is a martial arts whose principles are based on confusing your opponent. the next time you see a tarantella, pay respect to its why-fu black belt rank

|amethyst's dating tips:

• Don't even bother with carbon-14 after about 50k years. Fortunately, bandage mummies are typically much younger than this.
• Be sure to correct for historical variation in atmospheric C14 levels.
• If your mummy has spent a lot of time in a centrifuge, the C14 particles, being heavier, may have migrated to the outside. Homogenize thoroughly.
• The C64 had better graphics than C14, anyway.

Daggaz's dating tips:

If you meet a woman on Tinder, and she seems a little too good to be true and you start to get a sinking feeling that she is scamming you, she is probably scamming you. At least I caught her and got my money back, now to write up the file for the police....

Mod edit.

pro tip: don't date your mummy.