What does the orb actually do?


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Temple Termagant

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Post Thursday, 5th June 2014, 19:41

What does the orb actually do?

Why are hundreds of thousands of adventurers willing to put their life on the line for this thing?

Blades Runner

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Post Thursday, 5th June 2014, 20:14

Re: What does the orb actually do?

The Orb does nothing whatsoever. All adventurers are lunatics.
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Mines Malingerer

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Post Thursday, 5th June 2014, 20:20

Re: What does the orb actually do?

Mighty power of Awareness Of Your Importance!
And other interesting skills.

Zot Zealot

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Post Thursday, 5th June 2014, 20:21

Re: What does the orb actually do?

Well I hear it has a conveniently sized and shaped hole in it....

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Post Thursday, 5th June 2014, 20:24

Re: What does the orb actually do?

you know when you buy a book or something and you remove the pricetag because it's a present, not that you really understand why this is even done or even care because there is no point in rebelling against a social convention that makes no sense but doesn't do any harm, but anyway, you remove the pricetag really carefully and it seems like it would peel off cleanly but in the end it tears and there are pieces of paper sticking firmly to the glue which are really hard to remove? the orb of zot makes these scraps vanish and at high evocations skill it also wraps the present for you

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Pandemonium Purger

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Post Thursday, 5th June 2014, 20:25

Re: What does the orb actually do?

The orb is just a joke because the only thing it accomplishes is make you (some surface scrub) go through this entire quest, only to return as the singlemost powerful being to the surface.

And due to this newfound power of yours, you can easily stomp on the other contenders for supremacy (who can't accomplish anything but kill eachother in an endless struggle as we see from the apocalypse message) - and thus finally bring the world to peace under your steady iron hand.

or well that all depends on what kind of ruler you would be
Last edited by Bloax on Thursday, 5th June 2014, 20:28, edited 1 time in total.
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  Code:
!lg * won !DD-- min=turns -log
<Sequell> 20749. Bloax, XL24 VSTm, T:13320: http://crawl.lantea.net/crawl/morgue/Bloax/morgue-Bloax-20140907-000920.txt

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Abyss Ambulator

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Post Thursday, 5th June 2014, 20:26

Re: What does the orb actually do?

It summons demons. Xom thinks this hilarious. Give it to your bestest friend ever.
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Ziggurat Zagger

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Post Thursday, 5th June 2014, 22:02

Re: What does the orb actually do?

cerebovssquire wrote:you know when you buy a book or something and you remove the pricetag because it's a present, not that you really understand why this is even done or even care because there is no point in rebelling against a social convention that makes no sense but doesn't do any harm, but anyway, you remove the pricetag really carefully and it seems like it would peel off cleanly but in the end it tears and there are pieces of paper sticking firmly to the glue which are really hard to remove? the orb of zot makes these scraps vanish and at high evocations skill it also wraps the present for you

That's it, I'm training evocations every game from now on!
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Post Thursday, 5th June 2014, 23:33

Re: What does the orb actually do?

My headcanon is that the orb is a nuclear device.

Spider Stomper

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Post Friday, 6th June 2014, 02:26

Re: What does the orb actually do?

orb is a
really
bad joke

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Post Friday, 6th June 2014, 02:52

Re: What does the orb actually do?

Haiku time:

The glory of orb
Is very hard to explain
It is just a stone

Too short? Welcome to Limerick town:

There once was an adventurer Brown
Who grew up in some little town
He heard of an orb,
Worth more than a gourd,
And lost his head on the way down.

(as is customary with limericks, multiple sexual references are included)

Temple Termagant

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Post Friday, 6th June 2014, 05:31

Re: What does the orb actually do?

I observed the young man with great interest, he reminded me of my days of glory. I used to be the strongest and mightiest warrior around, have you heard about the orb of zot?, that arcane artifact that can give you unlimited power. I once had it in my hands. I was young and reckless, enticed by the stories told by travelers I ventured down the dungeon in search of riches and power, the mighty trog gided my hand as I broke bone and teared flesh. foe after foe I defeated and consumed, with every enemy I destroyed, my bloodlust and my power increased. I don't know how many days passed I moved from enemy to enemy frenzied, my only thought was to kill and devour. I finally reached the chamber of the orb, heavily guarded I felt fear for the first time since I had entered the dungeon, but the mighty trog his hand lent me, and before my eyes an army of warriors materialized, with their brave sacrifice we destroyed our enemies. Finally the orb was mine, A horn sounded, and for a moment I swear I felt the orb resisting my grip. I knew I had to get out.

The once desolated dungeon came back to life, all kinds of horrors to be found around every corner, I knew I had to run. I cried for the help of the holy trog, he saved me again, mighty trolls and stone giants covered my escape I wanted to help them but I knew that it was trog's will for me to escape. After running for what seemed days I finally saw natural light, It felt warm, a feeling I had almost forgoten.

Once I put my feet outside the gate of the tower of zot, all the abominations that were in pursuit disapeared, all the screams and grunts ceased abruptly. I wondered for the fate of those inside the tower. Finally my mind was at ease, all the fury and paranoia that had overcome me had disapeared, with a clear mind I set to examine my loot, I had in my hands the artifact of legend, infinite power and wisdom at my fingertips. I raised the orb to the sky and commanded its power. Nothing happened, three more times I evoqued the orb, silence, I smashed the orb to the ground with all my strengh, in that moment a halo of light decended from the sky, and a thundering voice commanded "SURRENDER THE ORB", after that a warrior in golden armour materialized before me, he had the same crazed look that the warriors that helped me before had. I stood on my feet still dazzled, my mace in my hand trying to understand the situation. "SURRENDER THE ORB" came again not from the golden armour warrior but from the sky, the warrior started walking towards me, I put the orb in my bag, and readied my mace, I had not gone through hell to surrender my prize so easily, after the warrior saw this he drew his sword raised his shield and started running towards me, I waited in place, I saw him charging at me, his mouth foaming, his sword of a material I had never seen before reflected the sunlight, his heavy armour seemed impenetrable, his head had a pair of thick horns I had not noticed before, I waited until the last moment, after he lounged his sword I steped aside, with so much moment he had no other option than keep running past me, I grasped firmly my mace turned around and smashed the back of his head, there layed on the ground a headless golden armour, and just as he appeared he vanished. I had no time to savour my victory because again the skies roared "SURRENDER THE ORB", after every call, a new warrior was created, I kept figthing them but for everyone I destroyed two more were summoned, finally I was surrounded by what I suspect were 500 warriors, in chorus they screamed "SURRENDER THE ORB" there was no way to defeat them all.

Before my mind knew I had to run my legs were carrying me towards the only place I had to go, and that place was the dungeon, rapidly I drank a potion of haste and when I got surrounded a potion of invisibility and snuck around until I was inside the tower of zot again, the only sounds came from outside, "SURRENDER THE ORB", a troll passed his head throught the gate then the whole army followed him, I kept running deeper into the dungeon, quaffing all my potions of invisibility to lose their trace. I ran and hid, and when I had no more potions I remembered a book that taught the invisibility spell, I hurried to the vault were I had left all the treasures I couldn't carry with me and learned the spell. In my hurry I had not noticed that the orb was glowing and directing my attackers toward me, I tossed the orb and hid in a corner waiting to see what happened. The frenzied warriors found the orb, but for some reason couldn't pick it up for much that they tried, finally they desisted and kept looking for me. I kept casting my invisibility and after a while a white draconian in a purple robe came toward the orb and effortlessly picked it up, with the orb in his hands he descended towards the darkness.

I have been trying to escape since then young warrior, but the frenzied monsters always block my way, casting invisibility has become a habit for me and frankly I don't want to see what kind of monster I am now. I feel slow and tired, and I am always hungry, so young warrior you have to believe me, do not go looking for the orb of zot, it will only bring you disgrace...

to continue?

TL:DR.
The orb of zot is the only artifact that can kill gods, and they are just fighting a proxy war to get it.(I couldn't get the part where the hero discovers what is the use of the orb cause this shit is too long).

sorry for bad grammar, I don't come from a country that speaks english.

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Post Friday, 6th June 2014, 06:07

Re: What does the orb actually do?

It rolls if you push it.

Tartarus Sorceror

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Post Friday, 6th June 2014, 08:22

Re: What does the orb actually do?

what they tell the adventurers, after they shove a couple bits of cheap materiel scrounged up from the back rooms of the armory and maybe a dog-eared fifth-hand copy of a beginner's spellbook into their hands, is that the ORB of zot is an artifact of immense power.

what they don't tell the adventurers is that the ritual performed in order to evoke the dread powers of the ORB requires the sacrifice of the one who brought it to the surface.

of course, since by this time the adventurer is usually armed with a giant weapon, powerful artifacts, and/or a variety of terrific magic spells, it takes a bit of wrangling to get them onto the altar without asking.
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Dis Charger

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Post Friday, 6th June 2014, 10:12

Re: What does the orb actually do?

If you evoke it; you become 14 again and switch genders. You can evoke it an unlimited number of times; but it takes 30 years to recharge.
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Post Friday, 6th June 2014, 17:11

Re: What does the orb actually do?

bcadren wrote:If you evoke it; you become 14 again and switch genders. You can evoke it an unlimited number of times; but it takes 30 years to recharge.


why is your ``did you knwo i quit crawl?`` thread missing
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Post Friday, 6th June 2014, 17:11

Re: What does the orb actually do?

bcadren wrote:If you evoke it; you become 14 again and switch genders. You can evoke it an unlimited number of times; but it takes 30 years to recharge.

I would use the fuck outta of it.
do you keep your general characteristics? I am almost as manly as a fukken elf, I would be fa-bu-lous.
my posts are to be read in a mildly playful tone, with a deep, sexy voice.

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Post Friday, 6th June 2014, 19:09

Re: What does the orb actually do?

bcadren wrote:If you evoke it; you become 14 again and switch genders. You can evoke it an unlimited number of times; but it takes 30 years to recharge.

I'd honestly consider this to be completely awesome. Immortality, and I wouldn't mind a chance to see how the other half lives at all. Kind of like: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4KEEXyRL0qE&feature=kp (not the original, but better than the original)

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TehDruid

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Post Friday, 6th June 2014, 19:13

Re: What does the orb actually do?

It causes the bad stuff that happens during the orb run. This does not stop when your character leaves the dungeon. It continues forever, or until you die. You can't get rid of it either. That's all it does. It's not even good for bragging rights, because anyone you could brag to would get killed by one of the pandemonium lords following you. It's the worst thing in the world. That's why it was safely locked behind a portal at the bottom of a dungeon.

Everything else you read in this thread is just an attempt to trick people into thinking the orb is a good thing.

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Eringya's Employee

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Post Friday, 6th June 2014, 19:27

Re: What does the orb actually do?

tasonir wrote:
bcadren wrote:If you evoke it; you become 14 again and switch genders. You can evoke it an unlimited number of times; but it takes 30 years to recharge.

I'd honestly consider this to be completely awesome. Immortality, and I wouldn't mind a chance to see how the other half lives at all. Kind of like: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4KEEXyRL0qE&feature=kp (not the original, but better than the original)

Spoiler: show
Would it be weird if you filmed yourself masturbating as a woman and keep the videos stored somewhere safe for your viewing pleasure for when you turn back into a guy?

Just saying.
MuCK;
  Code:
612 | D:1      | Xom revived you
614 | D:1      | Xom revived you
614 | D:1      | Slain by a gnoll

Abyss Ambulator

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Post Friday, 6th June 2014, 19:30

Re: What does the orb actually do?

That's why the only real win is the one when you get all 15 runes, killing EVERYTHING that stands in your way, and get all skills to level 27.

Then, when you leave the dungeon, you become a pan lord, and force the townfolk to build you a new dungeon.
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Snake Sneak

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Post Friday, 6th June 2014, 21:29

Re: What does the orb actually do?

Have a listen to Tom Waits' Step Right Up. That's the orb.

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Blades Runner

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Post Friday, 6th June 2014, 21:40

Re: What does the orb actually do?

damiac wrote:Then, when you leave the dungeon, you become a pan lord, and force the townfolk to build you a new dungeon.


You're quite close, but those townsfolk go a lot further than that. Because of all the pan lords chasing you for the Orb you decide to keep the Orb for safekeeping at the bottom of a dungeon, and invite the townspeople to be the guardians of the Orb, to defend it from rival demon lords and their champions.

Over many millenia the dungeon's inhabitants have taken to working away at the main dungeon complex to create several branches where they live with their own kind.

Eventually the anger around your theft of the Orb has died down and the lords of Pandemonium acknowledge you as an equal (for now) grating you demon hood, and you eventually distribute the Runes of Zot all over your dungeon for safekeeping should some cheeky adventurer wander in and search for the Orb.

For nostalgia's sake, with your Pandemonic powers, you mold your inhabitants into similar forms as those that you once encountered on your own journey long ago; kobolds to fetter the weak and dragonkind to hail the mighty.

And one day, just as things seem to have settled down completely.....

  Code:
Welcome, Damiac, the Human Fighter.
They say that the Orb of Zot exists deep within this dungeon, but nobody has ever found it.
Will you prevail where others have failed? Will you get the Orb of Zot?
114491 | Pan | Entered the realm of Gloorx Vloq.
114491 | Pan | Noticed Gloorx Vloq
114492 | Pan | Killed Gloorx Vloq

true lords of shadow NEVER sleep

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Post Friday, 6th June 2014, 22:39

Re: What does the orb actually do?

TehDruid wrote:
Spoiler: show
Would it be weird if you filmed yourself masturbating as a woman and keep the videos stored somewhere safe for your viewing pleasure for when you turn back into a guy?
Spoiler: show
I don't think it would be worthwhile. Recording technology would improve a lot over 30 years, so for the video to be enjoyable to watch, you'd have to wait until the recharging period was almost over, then hope your 14 year old male self is into MILF stuff. But what would be really cool would be if you masturbated as a guy, and evoked the orb halfway through ejaculating, thereby getting yourself pregnant.

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Post Saturday, 7th June 2014, 08:00

Re: What does the orb actually do?

the orb's power is to make me forget what was behind those spoiler tags
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Snake Sneak

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Post Saturday, 7th June 2014, 14:00

Re: What does the orb actually do?

The orb is an alternative to ctrl+q yes
Spoiler: show
>:V=3

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Post Saturday, 7th June 2014, 14:11

Re: What does the orb actually do?

duvessa wrote:
TehDruid wrote:
Spoiler: show
Would it be weird if you filmed yourself masturbating as a woman and keep the videos stored somewhere safe for your viewing pleasure for when you turn back into a guy?
Spoiler: show
I don't think it would be worthwhile. Recording technology would improve a lot over 30 years, so for the video to be enjoyable to watch, you'd have to wait until the recharging period was almost over, then hope your 14 year old male self is into MILF stuff. But what would be really cool would be if you masturbated as a guy, and evoked the orb halfway through ejaculating, thereby getting yourself pregnant.


Spoiler: show
there is some pretty good early 20th century porn on wikipedia though
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Post Saturday, 7th June 2014, 14:28

Re: What does the orb actually do?

duvessa wrote:
TehDruid wrote:
Spoiler: show
Would it be weird if you filmed yourself masturbating as a woman and keep the videos stored somewhere safe for your viewing pleasure for when you turn back into a guy?
Spoiler: show
I don't think it would be worthwhile. Recording technology would improve a lot over 30 years, so for the video to be enjoyable to watch, you'd have to wait until the recharging period was almost over, then hope your 14 year old male self is into MILF stuff. But what would be really cool would be if you masturbated as a guy, and evoked the orb halfway through ejaculating, thereby getting yourself pregnant.

Spoiler: show
Promoting teen pregnancy, are we now.
take it easy
  Code:
!lg * won !DD-- min=turns -log
<Sequell> 20749. Bloax, XL24 VSTm, T:13320: http://crawl.lantea.net/crawl/morgue/Bloax/morgue-Bloax-20140907-000920.txt

Did you know that I like ruining crawl every now and then? Go check it out.

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Post Saturday, 7th June 2014, 17:46

Re: What does the orb actually do?

Image
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Post Saturday, 7th June 2014, 17:53

Re: What does the orb actually do?

The Dungeon is a tower and the orb is it's stone. Congratulations for destabilizing reality.
Du hast dich zu weit vorgewagt, (Hinter diesen Mauern!) dich durch dieses Tor gewagt! (Hinter diesen Mauern!)

Mines Malingerer

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Post Tuesday, 10th June 2014, 18:34

Re: What does the orb actually do?

Image

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Post Tuesday, 10th June 2014, 20:20

Re: What does the orb actually do?

It's been forever since I watched that.. I need to dig it up again..
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Post Wednesday, 11th June 2014, 09:16

Re: What does the orb actually do?

what is it?
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Post Wednesday, 11th June 2014, 09:49

Re: What does the orb actually do?

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Post Wednesday, 11th June 2014, 16:43

Re: What does the orb actually do?

looks too damn cool, I'll watch it ASAP.
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