The Tavern

Give cursed items 3 ranks.

Rank 1: Teleportitis
Rank 2: Acidrobin
Rank 3: You are now a felid

Curse buffs:

All Charms are annoying and overpowered in all situations. To fix this, make all buffs do terrible things to the player, like malmutation or red irresistible poison. Haste can have a (50-Int)% chance of instant death, solving the terrible balance problems it poses. To rebalance extended, '1's and '2's are now poorly disguised copies of midgame uniques. Pandaemonium and Hell will be renamed to DCSS II: Attack of the Clones, and DCSS III: Revenge of the Sixfirhy.

I deem that one out of every five games starts off in a cafe where you have to suffer through a terrible comedy routine by a randomly selected unique before the door out unlocks.

I imagine Sigmund as a bloodthirsty Andrew "Dice" Clay.

HICKORY DICKORY DOCK

Realtalk "Revenge of the Sixfirhy" would be a good sprint map name.