Crawl What If...?

[Grimm]

What If...Yiuf is really the sane one, and everyone else is crazy?

[diviton]

What if all that random craziness that Mara shows you... isn't actually an illusion?

[nicolae]

what if the orb of zot was inside you this whole time

[diviton]

What if the Lernean Hydra only had 26 heads, but we all assumed it had 27 because the first person to ever see it told us it had that many heads.

I mean, has anyone ever really counted?

[pratamawirya]

What if... Crawl is actually a favorite among celebrities all these years, they're just too embarrassed to admit it?

[varsovie]

What If...Yiuf is really the sane one, and everyone else is crazy?

At least you fit in your own theory.

[Grimm]

What if...varsovie's post above made any sense?

[Confidence Interval]

What if... Crawl is the reality and the world in which you and computer appear to sit is all a game?

[Grimm]

What if...KoboldLord has entered Crawl and is one of the new uniques?

[Tiktacy]

What if you were completely surrounded by 8 27 head lernaean hydras similicalums and they all hit you at the same time, and you were also wearing a ring of fire?

[Hirsch I]

what if tiktacy did not get the point of the game?

[Tiktacy]

what if tiktacy did not get the point of the game?

What even is the point of the game?

[Grimm]

What if...cerebovssquire doesn't post here anymore because he got promoted to full Cerebov?

[Confidence Interval]

What if... we're hiring a new squire for Cerebov?

(Actually I presumed CS doesn't post here anymore because he went off to college and realised there's more to the game than doing multiple speed runs in a day and posting in CYC.)

[Grimm]

What if...CS discovered the long-rumoured "sex" minigame?

[TeshiAlair]

Pfft my DC play increased 500% when I went to college.

"Code is compiling...time to splat a Kobold"

[duvessa]

  Code:

<+evilmike> btw marvinpa, are you ever going to announce that tome4 addon/whatever you made? I looked over the change log, it looks cool
<+MarvinPA> that's minmay's, he just fills it with references to me for some slightly scary reason or other
<+evilmike> oh
<+evilmike> right never mind then, I'm going to avoid it
<+evilmike> he probably has something like "remove that stupid dream volcano" in the change log, but really the entire thing is the dream volcano, and it's his dreams

[nicolae]

What if the Dungeon and the Orb of Zot are real things, and DCSS was invented by a cabal of mages who use it as part of a giant ritual to wear down the Orb's defenses and steal it for their own sinister purposes? Every monster killed, every rune collected, every game won wears down the defenses of the Orb via sympathetic magic, until one day the defenses will be gone, the mages will steal the Orb, and the world will be changed forever, and certainly not for the better. But conversely... every time you die in Crawl, the Orb's defenses strengthen. Lose the game to save the world! Bring down the greatplayers and the streakers! Put more bad advice on the game wiki! Every splat is a victory for humanity!

[Grimm]

What if...Mountain Dwarves still exist?

[MDvedh]

What if... Minmay is actually a friendly and nice person and loves kittens IRL?

[pratamawirya]

loves kittens

this isn't a what-if

[squire]

Hi guys

What if...cerebovssquire doesn't post here anymore because he got promoted to full Cerebov?

I'm not in this for the glory, I'm his squire because it's hot

What if... we're hiring a new squire for Cerebov?
(Actually I presumed CS doesn't post here anymore because he went off to college and realised there's more to the game than doing multiple speed runs in a day and posting in CYC.)

It was more of a "jesus, I haven't logged on for months, what was my password again" situation (but this did play a role)

What if...CS discovered the long-rumoured "sex" minigame?

Yes, but despite good reviews from the critics, it's kind of overrated... maybe my hardware just doesn't support it well enough (sorry)

Pfft my DC play increased 500% when I went to college.

"Code is compiling...time to splat a Kobold"

I should've picked that computer science course after all...

[Grimm]

Did you just...necro yourself?

[Confidence Interval]

This reminds me of the Return of Martin Squire (remade as Squiresby).

How do we know that you are the real CS and not an impostor?

[moocowmoocow]

What if... Crawl is not really turn based, but just goes super slow until player input?

[duvessa]

How do we know that you are the real CS and not an impostor?

minmay sent him some dryad porn 4 months ago and he just responded today.

[Confidence Interval]

How do we know that you are the real CS and not an impostor?

minmay sent him some dryad porn 4 months ago and he just responded today.

He must have been giving it his full attention.

[Grimm]

It gave him...wood.

[Confidence Interval]

Different from that naiad material that got him all wet.

[treerex5]

What if... Xom is banishing the Abyss to you?

[duvessa]

what the fuck tehdruid

[TehDruid]

There's no if in fuck.

[Grimm]

The value of a thank is dropping faster than the price of a bitcoin.

[MyOtheHedgeFox]

Please, seriously, stop it. Even I do not do it.

[TehDruid]

Whatever do you mean?

[MyOtheHedgeFox]

Thanking every post in a topic. Do not do it: this is worse than being Krillin.
That is not only lame, it is also a very unreasonable way to amuse yourself. If you want to amuse yourself, why not go to Webtiles and suggest somebody do something unusual, like preaching Immolation to orcs, and watch the result? Or build a bomb in The Powder Toy?

[Hirsch I]

I was happy when I saw someone thanked me. I felt loved. then I discovered said person thanked everyone in that thread. that made me feel sad and betrayed. =(
dont play with people feelings like that, you evil evil person.

[squire]

How do we know that you are the real CS and not an impostor?

minmay sent him some dryad porn 4 months ago and he just responded today.

i really just want to thank you again because it is simply that good

[cerebovssquire]

hey look i managed to reset my password

[Hirsch I]

welcome back, person with an awesome profile picture.

[pratamawirya]

(looking at "I love it when..." thread)

TehDruid, what the hell, man? Are you trying to compete with me and MyO?

[varsovie]

The value of a thank is dropping faster than the price of a bitcoin.

Your thanks have become way more valuable since you artificially inflated their value by making all 666 of them a limited edition.

[TehDruid]

Every post in this topic deserves a thank you, imo.

Yeah, well I went overboard yesterday but I stopped now. It's over!

Also, What If the devs decide to make a new species named City Orc?

[TehDruid]

hey look i managed to reset my password

So, how was sex?

[cerebovssquire]

hey look i managed to reset my password

So, how was sex?

it is a 30-minute-long ordeal of hiding that i am neither comfortable with my own naked body nor the naked body of other people and, afterwards, a long hot shower during which i try in vain to wash the shame from my body

[Hirsch I]

well, bummer. at least you are very good at crawl, so that is nice, is'nt it?

[Grimm]

hey look i managed to reset my password

NOW we can get back to proper Taverning.

Did you happen to see KoboldLord while you were out there in reality?

it is a 30-minute-long ordeal of hiding that i am neither comfortable with my own naked body nor the naked body of other people and, afterwards, a long hot shower during which i try in vain to wash the shame from my body

You're doing it right.

[1010011010]

it is a 30-minute-long ordeal of hiding that i am neither comfortable with my own naked body nor the naked body of other people and, afterwards, a long hot shower during which i try in vain to wash the shame from my body

Hot water, La de da.

[Confidence Interval]

it is a 30-minute-long ordeal of hiding that i am neither comfortable with my own naked body nor the naked body of other people and, afterwards, a long hot shower during which i try in vain to wash the shame from my body

You're doing it right.

Are you sure? When I do it it is usually great fun. Perhaps I am doing it wrong...

[cerebovssquire]

Did you happen to see KoboldLord while you were out there in reality?

who do you think I was having sex with?